Court bloopers make for legal laughs

Law Review

By Jim Porter
May 1, 2008

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Today’s column is a reprint of a 1997 column of legal laughs and courtroom bloopers, complied by court reporters across the country. These were put into a book called Disorder in the Court. Here is a sampling. More later.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edgington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edgington was dead at that time, is that correct?
A: No, you dumb ass. He was sitting there on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

* * *
Q: Miss Ball, do you know whether in fact James put his seat belt on, or are you just surmising he didn’t?
A: I know he didn’t put his seat belt on.
Q: What is your personal observation of that?
A: Because when we were driving down the street James was mooning people through the back window.
Q: Kind of hard to moon people with a seat belt on?
A: That’s right.
* * *
Q: Are you restricted some what by having your third finger shot off?
A: Yeah a little.
Q: What could you do before the accident that you can’t do now?
A: Wear a ring on it.

Mr. Ostenson: Could you go back and find a place in the record where I first asked the witness about Samaritan Health Service’s intentions with regard to trying to keep Mayo out of Scottsdale?
The court reporter: Question: “Did Mr. Teng say that he had agreed with Mayo that Mayo would not building a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?”
Answer: “No. I think I would have remembered that.”
Question: Did Mr. Teng say that he had discussed SHS’s desire not to have the Mayo Clinic build a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?
Q: So what Mr. Teng said was, “Hold the Mayo?”

* * *
A: It was a tight chest, having a hard time catching air.
Q: And did this come on suddenly?
A: Yeah. It was the first time I experienced it.
Q: Where were you when it came on?
A: In bed.
Q: Sleeping, or were you ...?
A: You really want to know?
Q: I just want to know if it was activity induced?
A: I was having sex.
Q: I think we could say it was activity induced. And had you had a cigarette any time around this time?
A: No, of course I was not smoking during sex. My wife asked me once, “Do you smoke after sex?” I said, “I’ve never looked down there to see.”
Ms. Wallace: You asked.

* * *
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I went to school for it and everything.

* * *
The Court: To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?
The Defendant: Drunk

* * *
Q: Trooper, was the defendant obviously drunk when you arrested her?
Defense Counsel: Objection, your Honor. It calls for a conclusion.
The Court: Sustained.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: “What disco am I at.”

Jim Porter is an attorney with Porter· Simon, with offices in Truckee, South Lake Tahoe and Reno. He may be reached at porter@portersimon.com or at the firm’s web site www.portersimon.com.  
© 2008