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TAHOE/TRUCKEE — I thought parenting was supposed to be fun? My wife is always saying: “No, don't feed them this! No, don't let them do that! No, don't! No, don't!”
I love when dads write in with oh-my-wife stories. What I am about to say could be deemed extremely controversial, so please forget you heard it from me.
You are right: Parenting is supposed to be fun. In this day and age of extreme parenting, as named for the achievement culture's stay-at-home parents of overworked preschoolers, it can be a challenge to let kids be kids by shirking responsibilities to have a (gasp!) fun day.
Even if The Mrs. is a proponent of baby flash cards surely you can find a moment or two of unadulterated freedom to allow your little one to simply finger paint all over themselves. Maybe play something less messy like puppets if you absolutely cannot ignore the pangs of duty and responsibility an immaculate house require. However, you are The Dad and by definition those things don't bother you. You are the fun parent of today's purpose-driven family unit. Take that title by the reigns and run with it … but not with scissors and only outdoors appropriately dressed in whatever attire the weather calls for at the time.
Rules and regulations are the mainstays of parenting today. Even days off from work and school are wrought with thorough planning and organization. You may only initiate a moment of spontaneity at the precise moment mom gives you the go ahead. For example, you may have hot chocolate after the scheduled hour of sledding on your ergonomic saucer, but only the über-organic, highly nutritional, caffeine-free kind … and without marshmallows, because that would be going way too far. As father to a bunch of little stressed out Mini-Me's, you have every right to demand those marshmallows!
Countless studies have shown too many rules can damage a child's psychological and emotional development. One such study highlighted in an article by Barrington Brennen entitled “Rules without Relationships” shows children of very, very strict parents are more likely to become troublesome youth due to the lack of love and support they may feel in an overly controlled home environment. Some children may become overwhelmed by the weight of mom's disapproval if they are always “in trouble” for not following the rules. The flip side is children need structure in order to become self-disciplined, independent decision makers of wise choices.
There are millions of websites offering you parenting advice that serve as a breeding ground for the mass production of rules. However, there are many others offering a more balanced approach such as www.circleofparents.org or www.bestfamilyadvice.com. Hilarious insights into this debate can be found at www.culturedviews.com. Books, too, can be worthwhile. Grab a copy of “365 Manners Kids Should Know,” by Sheryl Eberly to put on the outside of your copy of “How to Raise Successful Children (Love is the Key)” by Joe Holmes so as not to alarm the boss. The key here is balance. You need rules for safety and to manage chaos; but they shouldn't be hard and fast, and they should be broken … from time to time in a carefully planned manner.
— If you have a parenting puzzler for Mama Mia at the KidZone Museum in Truckee e-mail info@kidzonemuseum.org or call 587-KIDS.
I love when dads write in with oh-my-wife stories. What I am about to say could be deemed extremely controversial, so please forget you heard it from me.
You are right: Parenting is supposed to be fun. In this day and age of extreme parenting, as named for the achievement culture's stay-at-home parents of overworked preschoolers, it can be a challenge to let kids be kids by shirking responsibilities to have a (gasp!) fun day.
Even if The Mrs. is a proponent of baby flash cards surely you can find a moment or two of unadulterated freedom to allow your little one to simply finger paint all over themselves. Maybe play something less messy like puppets if you absolutely cannot ignore the pangs of duty and responsibility an immaculate house require. However, you are The Dad and by definition those things don't bother you. You are the fun parent of today's purpose-driven family unit. Take that title by the reigns and run with it … but not with scissors and only outdoors appropriately dressed in whatever attire the weather calls for at the time.
Rules and regulations are the mainstays of parenting today. Even days off from work and school are wrought with thorough planning and organization. You may only initiate a moment of spontaneity at the precise moment mom gives you the go ahead. For example, you may have hot chocolate after the scheduled hour of sledding on your ergonomic saucer, but only the über-organic, highly nutritional, caffeine-free kind … and without marshmallows, because that would be going way too far. As father to a bunch of little stressed out Mini-Me's, you have every right to demand those marshmallows!
Countless studies have shown too many rules can damage a child's psychological and emotional development. One such study highlighted in an article by Barrington Brennen entitled “Rules without Relationships” shows children of very, very strict parents are more likely to become troublesome youth due to the lack of love and support they may feel in an overly controlled home environment. Some children may become overwhelmed by the weight of mom's disapproval if they are always “in trouble” for not following the rules. The flip side is children need structure in order to become self-disciplined, independent decision makers of wise choices.
There are millions of websites offering you parenting advice that serve as a breeding ground for the mass production of rules. However, there are many others offering a more balanced approach such as www.circleofparents.org or www.bestfamilyadvice.com. Hilarious insights into this debate can be found at www.culturedviews.com. Books, too, can be worthwhile. Grab a copy of “365 Manners Kids Should Know,” by Sheryl Eberly to put on the outside of your copy of “How to Raise Successful Children (Love is the Key)” by Joe Holmes so as not to alarm the boss. The key here is balance. You need rules for safety and to manage chaos; but they shouldn't be hard and fast, and they should be broken … from time to time in a carefully planned manner.
— If you have a parenting puzzler for Mama Mia at the KidZone Museum in Truckee e-mail info@kidzonemuseum.org or call 587-KIDS.
