News
ENLARGE
K, guys. Just a heads up. Today is Valentine's Day.
I know ... “Is that TODAY?”
Yep. It's today, but the good news is, it's still today and you still have time. Unless you are reading this tonight ... at home ... maybe on the computer and your significant other is in the other room wondering what's up.
That's why drug stores are open late. For guys like you. Guys who are not so quick on the uptick and maybe thought today was the opening of duck season, or maybe thought that little red thing you saw symbolized meant it was National Heart Awareness Day.
I'm not saying I'm Mr. Romance, either. I've done my share of late-night drug store card shopping. “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH,” the card would read, with a dog holding his paws as far apart as a dog can. “Love, Jeff.”
Or ... maybe grabbed the wrong card entirely. “SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. THINKING OF YOU.” And a box of chocolates.
There are many reasons for forgetting today is Valentine's Day.
“I have more important things to think about ... like finding a job.”
“They shut off my cable, so how was I supposed to know?”
“She knows I love her, so what's the big deal?”
None of them will really resonate because there is a very good chance she didn't forget that today is Valentine's Day. If you didn't get the memo, women are wired differently than you are. Beside the fact that they actually have feelings and you — I'll come right out and say it — don't, most women I know think Valentine's Day is more important than Monday Night Football.
I'm not saying they're right. I'm just sharing what I have perceived over my 60 years of Valentine Days.
For evidence, compare the word count on the cards. I will bet she wrote more words than you did and ... no ... your name doesn't count as one word.
And before I forget, you may want to double-check the spelling of her name. Sometimes there's an “i” on the end and sometimes there's a “y.” Nothing worse the expressing your love of “Kelly” when you meant “Kelli.”
You need to get that correct on the envelope and in your opening introduction, as in, “Kelli, Darling,” or, “My Dearest Kelli,” or ... if you're a man of few words, “Kelli.”
As difficult as it is to write the text for a card in long-hand (I know ... who does that anymore?), give yourself some time to really make her think you put some effort into it. Don't try it outside the drug store in the rain with a black, felt-tip pen. She will know and she won't be able to read your beautiful and thoughtful prose. Get inside the car and turn the interior lights on. You will probably notice a row of guys doing the same thing and some will even have balloons bouncing around their heads as they try to spell “Sincerely.”
As you can see, there is no “e” between the “l” and “y.”
In fact, don't even use “Sincerely,” unless you got the card for your mother, or sister, or maybe a coworker. Go right into “Love,” which is easier to spell and probably more appropriate for Valentine's Day.
Then, no matter how late you are, try to express your love beyond the illustration of the dog with his paws outstretched.
Some examples — and you can use them for free — include:
“Kelli. I can't believe it's Valentine's Day. Seems like it was just duck hunting season, but when I'm with you time just blows by. If I had to choose just one person to watch Monday Night Football with, it would be you. Sincerely ... (no, make that) Love, (YOUR NAME HERE).”
Maybe not your best work, but she will at least know you tried and most women appreciate a gamer.
The card is the tough part. While we don't generally read cards, women do. In fact, there is a great chance they will try to read between the lines, share them with friends for their interpretation (“If he loves me, why did he write ‘Sincerely'?) and then put them in a box where they will be kept for at least three different U-Haul moves.
The gift is secondary, but don't do what my friend Bill did when he was running late. Bill went to Longs at around 11 p.m. and grabbed some bath salts and a card. His wife had to remind him that they didn't have a bath tub, so it didn't matter how many words Bill wrote in the card, his night was done.
If you find yourself at a loss for words — and that is quite possible sitting in the parking lot of Longs at 11 p.m. — you can begin the card by simply stating, “Words can't express how I feel for you. Love, Jeff.”
That's it. My job's done and you are officially on your own. I need to dash out for a quick errand, so Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers.
Jeff Ackerman is the editor/publisher of The Union, the Sierra Sun's sister paper in Grass Valley. He's also formerly editor of the North Lake Tahoe Bonanza.
I know ... “Is that TODAY?”
Yep. It's today, but the good news is, it's still today and you still have time. Unless you are reading this tonight ... at home ... maybe on the computer and your significant other is in the other room wondering what's up.
That's why drug stores are open late. For guys like you. Guys who are not so quick on the uptick and maybe thought today was the opening of duck season, or maybe thought that little red thing you saw symbolized meant it was National Heart Awareness Day.
I'm not saying I'm Mr. Romance, either. I've done my share of late-night drug store card shopping. “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH,” the card would read, with a dog holding his paws as far apart as a dog can. “Love, Jeff.”
Or ... maybe grabbed the wrong card entirely. “SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. THINKING OF YOU.” And a box of chocolates.
There are many reasons for forgetting today is Valentine's Day.
“I have more important things to think about ... like finding a job.”
“They shut off my cable, so how was I supposed to know?”
“She knows I love her, so what's the big deal?”
None of them will really resonate because there is a very good chance she didn't forget that today is Valentine's Day. If you didn't get the memo, women are wired differently than you are. Beside the fact that they actually have feelings and you — I'll come right out and say it — don't, most women I know think Valentine's Day is more important than Monday Night Football.
I'm not saying they're right. I'm just sharing what I have perceived over my 60 years of Valentine Days.
For evidence, compare the word count on the cards. I will bet she wrote more words than you did and ... no ... your name doesn't count as one word.
And before I forget, you may want to double-check the spelling of her name. Sometimes there's an “i” on the end and sometimes there's a “y.” Nothing worse the expressing your love of “Kelly” when you meant “Kelli.”
You need to get that correct on the envelope and in your opening introduction, as in, “Kelli, Darling,” or, “My Dearest Kelli,” or ... if you're a man of few words, “Kelli.”
As difficult as it is to write the text for a card in long-hand (I know ... who does that anymore?), give yourself some time to really make her think you put some effort into it. Don't try it outside the drug store in the rain with a black, felt-tip pen. She will know and she won't be able to read your beautiful and thoughtful prose. Get inside the car and turn the interior lights on. You will probably notice a row of guys doing the same thing and some will even have balloons bouncing around their heads as they try to spell “Sincerely.”
As you can see, there is no “e” between the “l” and “y.”
In fact, don't even use “Sincerely,” unless you got the card for your mother, or sister, or maybe a coworker. Go right into “Love,” which is easier to spell and probably more appropriate for Valentine's Day.
Then, no matter how late you are, try to express your love beyond the illustration of the dog with his paws outstretched.
Some examples — and you can use them for free — include:
“Kelli. I can't believe it's Valentine's Day. Seems like it was just duck hunting season, but when I'm with you time just blows by. If I had to choose just one person to watch Monday Night Football with, it would be you. Sincerely ... (no, make that) Love, (YOUR NAME HERE).”
Maybe not your best work, but she will at least know you tried and most women appreciate a gamer.
The card is the tough part. While we don't generally read cards, women do. In fact, there is a great chance they will try to read between the lines, share them with friends for their interpretation (“If he loves me, why did he write ‘Sincerely'?) and then put them in a box where they will be kept for at least three different U-Haul moves.
The gift is secondary, but don't do what my friend Bill did when he was running late. Bill went to Longs at around 11 p.m. and grabbed some bath salts and a card. His wife had to remind him that they didn't have a bath tub, so it didn't matter how many words Bill wrote in the card, his night was done.
If you find yourself at a loss for words — and that is quite possible sitting in the parking lot of Longs at 11 p.m. — you can begin the card by simply stating, “Words can't express how I feel for you. Love, Jeff.”
That's it. My job's done and you are officially on your own. I need to dash out for a quick errand, so Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers.
Jeff Ackerman is the editor/publisher of The Union, the Sierra Sun's sister paper in Grass Valley. He's also formerly editor of the North Lake Tahoe Bonanza.
