Tahoe Pine Nuts: Let’s go fly fishing on Mars | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: Let’s go fly fishing on Mars

McAvoy Layne
Pine Nuts

Having recently viewed a photo of a river gurgling along like a musical brook on the planet Mars, and having just returned from a fly fishing extravaganza in Montana, I’m inspired to start planning a fly fishing trip to Mars, where apparently, the river runs through it.

It doesn’t matter to me that it will take 260 days to get there, and that I can’t afford the extra baggage charges for the ride back home, I’m on deck and ready to go fly fishing on Mars. Alan Shepard hit golf balls on the moon. I can catch fish on Mars.

Heck, I can imagine a conversation between a couple of Mars fish when I arrive…

“Hey, Fred, check it out, there’s something moving over there on terra firma.”

“Yeah, whatever it is, it’s throwing a bug our way, looks like a wooly bugger to me, what do you think, Frank?”

“I like wooly buggers just as much as you do, Fred, but I don’t trust that two legged bugger any farther than I can throw him.”

“Don’t make me laugh, Frank, you know how I choke when I get water in my lungs.”

“Don’t swallow that wooly bugger, Fred, you could choke on that too.”

“What the hell, Frank, you only live once, winnah, winnah, winnah, wooly buggah fo’ dinnah.”

“Hey, Fred! Where did you go?!”

I imagine the fish on Mars are just as smart as our fish on Earth. They will spit out a man-made wooly bugger if given a chance, but if you can set that hook, well, it’s fish for dinner.

However, before I fry up my first Mars Mudcat, I’m going to get a photograph for Field & Stream Magazine. They might even give me a free subscription, who knows?

But then, who’s going to take that picture? I never thought of that. I wish now I had one of those selfie sticks to pack along with my bamboo rod, my beef jerky and my beer.

Friends tell me I will be as cold as an untipped waiter’s stare up there on Mars, but I’m not worried about that.

Elon Musk plans to launch two huge fusion bombs into orbit around Mars to give Mars a couple of pulsating suns to warm the place up before I get there, though I think I might elect to wait awhile after those two suns are in place to see just how much radioactivity they throw off before I go catapulting up there myself.

I should probably pack some memorabilia to leave behind to welcome the wave of Mars fly fishermen and Mars fly fisherwomen that are sure to follow, perhaps some Orville Redenbacher’s Popping Corn that they can leave out in the sun and watch pop, which makes my mouth water just to think about, so if you will excuse me, I’ve got business in the kitchen … Mars will have to wait.

My cooking has been known to cause shock, confusion and palpitations, but Redenbacher I can do.

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.