Tahoe Pine Nuts: The drive that drives globalization | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: The drive that drives globalization

McAvoy Layne
Pine Nuts

Wanna know what makes the world go ‘round? It’s the birds and the bees, not money, but the birds and the bees. Our libido is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

But wait, there’s more…

We debate gun control on a daily basis. We debate mosquito control on a daily basis. Do we ever debate libido control? Never! At least not in my hearing, and therein lies the root of the bigger problem and the greater malaise.

The world’s first ever libido control survey was conducted only just last week. I know, because I conducted it myself, and it went something like this…

“Excuse me, Sir, but are you in favor of libido control?”

“Ah, what is that, exactly?”

“Never mind.”

We can uncover the cause of the rising rate of homicide by gunfire when we walk that cat backwards from the sociopath, who, not raised by a loving parent, was introduced to this world by overwrought, unbridled testosterone.

Why are we so reluctant to address this issue? Because nobody wants to see this particular drive bridled, that’s why. Yes, it’s the elephant in the room, and he’s feeling his oats.

“Call up the nymphs and satyrs, for I am thirsty. Give me the odor of rut and the raciest verses to ‘Waltzing Matilda’ that the ear can stand!”

Yes, it’s embarrassing, and it’s denigrating, but truth be known, man seeks riches to attract the fairer sex, and that’s the fuel that powers the global economy. Most favored fishing licenses are McMansions, megayachts and red Ferraris. Ever see a man go fishing in a brown Ferrari?

So let’s get to the problem of over-population. And how we are going to solve the migrant crisis consuming the world? Answers can be found in the natural solid source of nitrogen, saltpeter. That’s right, potassium nitrate! The very stuff that gives firepower to gunpowder actually reduces firepower of the libido, don’t ask me how.

We continue to worry ourselves over how to desalinate water, never taking time to research deescalating avidity. Do we even want to know?

I’m here to tell you, we’ve got trouble my friend, right here in River City, and the answer to our trouble lies in the miracle wonder cure, saltpeter. A little dash will do you.

We shall soon be seeing medical saltpeter dispensaries opening next door to medical marijuana dispensaries, whereby our over-sexed population can stop by for a quick fix, then go back to reading War and Peace, that tome we never finished in college because we were out chasing the all-illusive co-ed.

How did CliffsNotes become so ubiquitous? CliffsNotes gave us more time for pizza, beer and slow dancing, that’s how.

Let us become more magnanimous in our 21st century, and start calling for a little bromide anaphrodisiac in our wine to reduce our randiness.

“Bartender, I’ll have a Reverse Randi … make that a double!”

It just could make all the difference in the world…

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.