Tahoe Pine Nuts: There’s a sucker born every minute; make that every second
Reality TV has long been playing to our baser instincts, and look what it hath bequeathed us, cage fighting, euphemistically called, “Mixed Martial Arts,” and a huge helium inflated martial arts balloon that is Donald Trump.
Both belie American culture, yet both have somehow clawed their way onto the American stage. It’s enough to make a Nevada buzzard lean up against a fence post and pray.
At a time when boxing and football are admitting to endemic concussions leading to long-term brain damage, along comes cage fighting with it’s singular holds like, “The Rear Naked Choke,” where the hapless victim succumbs to unconsciousness.
A University of Toronto brain research team recently studied 844 mixed martial arts matches. Their findings? Nearly one-third resulted in match-ending head trauma.
“Oh, sorry we cannot shake hands following our match, Mate, as I see they are carrying you off in a basket. But now where is my pay-per-view prize money and the gaudy belt that will turn a Dubai sheikh green with envy.”
Where, Martha, is our Nevada Athletic Commission in this frayed society?
The folks who own “Ultimate Fighting Championship” also own Stations Casinos of Las Vegas.
That’s right. Where Sheldon Adelson shakes down our tourists, the Fertitta brothers shake down our locals, gifting us the fastest growing homeless population in America.
According to the Nevada Homeless Alliance 2015 census, over 34,000 individuals will experience homelessness this year in southern Nevada. “Winnah, winnah, winnah, no catfish fo dinnah.”
The billionaire Fertitta brothers own, “UFC,” also known as, “Mud Cats Unlimited,” and I will bet my Golden Gloves the Fertittas are endorsing the king of political cage fighting, Donald Trump.
If I am wrong in this assumption, I invite the Fertitta brothers to meet me on “Ralston Live,” to correct my assumption.
Should I stand corrected and find they are endorsing someone other than Trump, now that P.T. Barnum has passed, I will eat my Oregon Ducks hat on KNPB TV without any condiments.
If I could close this column with a song, it would be “Help Me Rhonda, Hep, Hep Me Rhonda.”
But as I am listed in Nevada’s Black Book, and banned from singing in Nevada, I shall close this column by invoking Mark Twain, and shall then repair to the thirst parlor for a restorative to sweeten the bilgewaters a little.
Yes, I leave you with this thought from the Moralist of the Main that applies to both the sport of cage fighting and the political cage fighter himself, Donald Trump, as they drag their vulgar rage into the ring.
“Gold in its native state is but dull unornamental stuff. Only low-born metals excite the populace with an ostentatious glitter. But like the rest of the world, I go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot rise above that.”
You will find Donald Trump and UFC in Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; Twain calls them, “the King” and “the Duke.”
Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.