Tahoe Pine Nuts: Election prediction from King of the Party When Awake | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: Election prediction from King of the Party When Awake

McAvoy Layne
Pine Nuts

In light of our impending presidential election, I predict one candidate will be elected, while the other will be remembered as the prize ass of the 21st century, whose good-hearted, well-meaning followers were temporarily stricken with acute humbugability.

This prophecy will prove accurate regardless of the outcome…

Today I performed my annual chain drill, and it did not turn out well. Every year about this time I try to maintain my muscle memory by installing chains on my tires in the driveway, while timing myself with a stopwatch. Years past, this exercise has taken twenty minutes to complete, whereupon I congratulate myself with a pat on the back and repair to the top deck for a cigar.

This year was different. The chains went on alright, but when I pulled forward to get them off again, they wrapped around the axel. So I crawled underneath, where I was greeted by a lump of oil on my forehead. It took me a full hour and a few expletives I had not used since 7th grade to free those chains. The neighbors are probably still remarking about it over dinner.

Most of my winter engagements are in the evening, so if I have to chain up at the summit of Mt. Rose, it means crawling under my vehicle in a white suit, knowing I will be mistaken for "Pig-Pen" of Schulz's Peanuts comic strip when I arrive at the hall. Mt. Rose makes its own weather, and just when you think you've got it made and are home free, the billows of hell roll over your windshield and you see the devil dancing on your hood.

At Tahoe we have two seasons, "Prepare to Stop," and, "I Can't Stop!"

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As regarding the "Prepare to Stop" season, I have to believe that Chris Christie is behind what we have experienced over the past three summers in Kings Beach. The cross-walks within the roundabouts are placed at the most dangerous of all possible places. Drivers looking left for oncoming vehicular traffic can't see the poor pedestrian to the right, who is now diving back into the shrubbery.

At least in the "Prepare to Stop" season, you stand a good chance of eventually getting to your destination. But when you flirt with Mt. Rose in the "I Can't Stop" season, you are flirting with meeting your maker. I know. I have been up there when my wipers have reduced visibility to a vertical line so thin I have to close one eye to see what's ahead.

Well, even if my chain drill was a total disaster today, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I am prepared as I can be, should I have to spend some time under my vehicle on top of Mt. Rose in a snowstorm this winter.

And, if after a full hour under there I am morphed into a Mark Twain ice sculpture, so be it. I just hope they mark the spot with a warning sign: Don't do as McAvoy did — Complete your annual chain drill in 20 minutes or less!

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.