Getting to know yourself
October 2, 2006
When you visit a life coach, he or she will likely walk you through what it is you value most in life and examine what you are doing on a daily basis to honor your deepest values.
A life coach will help you identify if you are living in alignment with your values and can help you find balance in your daily life.
If you value exercise and the outdoors, but you work too much to enjoy this, you may become unhappy. If you value family, yet never find time to relax and play with them you may feel unhappy with your life. Whatever it is you value, you must make time for. Valuing our relationships is a common value, but many of us do not have the tools to really be in relationships and know how to keep them healthy and fun.
As a life coach, I believe in giving my clients the tools to live better lives. Tools to learn more about oneself are very important. These tools help a person know what it is they value, what their life goals and dreams are, and what might be holding them back from achieving these goals.
The tools for being in healthy relationships include communication tools, and tools to know more about who you are in a relationship and what it is you need from a partner. Certain tools can help people become more clear about who they are and what it is they need in life to feel happy and fulfilled.
Becoming clear is not easy. Journaling can help us become more clear, or talking with others. It takes both time and a personal commitment to find out things about yourself and how you exist in the world to improve upon the relationships we have in our personal and professional lives.
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One of the best tools I have found for knowing ourselves better is called The Four Ways.
I am committed to finding tools that are fun, non-threatening and insightful. The Four Ways is a tool in which we find out our temperament from birth. When we answer some simple questions we can find out if we are one of four distinct and different temperaments including orange: artistic; blue: relational; gold: organized; and green: logical. At birth we are one or more of these and we pretty much stay with the temperament we are born with. The greatest asset of this tool is learning that there is no right or wrong temperament and there is no good or bad way of being.
This tool helps us better understand why we behave the way we behave in the world and why we interact a certain way in relationships. We discover that the way we act may or may not be the same as our friends, partners and co-workers. Once we begin to understand our “way” we can then begin to understand the ways of those around us.
Gold: A person with a gold temperament works best in a structured environment, and prefers to follow rules, policy and schedules. If you are a gold, you probably make your bed every morning and you prefer not to share your workspace with anyone else. Gold children are always prepared in the classroom and their organizational skills help them navigate a school environment where organization is a desired quality.
Blue: If you are strong in the relational temperament, or a Blue as we call it, you prefer an interactive workplace and you will care a lot about how people feel as opposed to always accomplishing your goal. You say yes a lot even when you want to say no. Blues are often so nice to others, that they do not take the best care of themselves!
Orange: If you are orange, you are very artistic and energetic and prefer a work environment in which there is a lot of action, as well as being unstructured and challenging. You prefer new and varied activities and you like to make things happen. Children who are orange are very active and are often labeled as being attention deficit disordered. When you look at the behaviors of an orange temperament, it is the same list as we have for many attention deficit disorders. The key is accepting that an orange child will not be able to find a pencil, as would a gold child who knows where everything is. We can help oranges exist in classrooms by acknowledging their temperament and not making them feel like something is wrong with them.
Green: Lastly a green temperament prefers to work alone, in an environment that is unstructured and creative. Greens like to ask “why” and feel they are right most of the time, as they take time to research things well before making decisions. Greens are challenged by someone saying, “it can’t be done.” They are our scientists and engineers and technologists. You may be one or more of these colors and blends are common.
The most powerful reason for finding out our temperament, is that by knowing ourselves better, we can better co-exist with others. We are happier human beings when we know and accept both our strengths and our weaknesses. We all know the saying that “opposites attract.” It is true that most of us partner with our complete opposites. When we find out our own temperament and then discover our partner’s temperament it can help us to focus on what our partner is contributing to the relationship as opposed to being annoyed that they are so different from us.
Identity mapping is a powerful tool for both the workplace and for personal relationships.
Life coaches help individuals move forward by helping clients to integrate all that has occurred in the past and has influenced who they are today. By looking at “what it is a client values most” will guide the client toward a positive goal. Any negative messages that were taken on while growing up will be acknowledged and new positive messages will be replaced in order to increase self-esteem and help the client move toward their life goals. Being clear about who one is in the world is the best way to begin. Getting tools to “Know Thyself” better is also helpful. Identity mapping is one of the many tools I use to help my clients understand themselves better as well as the people they interact with.
For more information on life coaching or identity mapping for your personal or professional life call Lorna Tirman at 412-1613.