Grasshopper Soup: Open your heart and be modified | SierraSun.com

Grasshopper Soup: Open your heart and be modified

Bob Sweigert
Special to the Sun

TRUCKEE/TAHOE, Calif. and#8212; Are you happy with the way your body looks? If not, you can always join the Church of Body Modification. They modify bods with tattoos and body piercing.

Whatand#8217;s not to love about that? Iand#8217;d like to hear. Iand#8217;ll even modify my body for you so Iand#8217;m all ears. Iand#8217;ll even grow wings, or fins, or a tail, and sing hymns to harp music for all eternity in the animal kingdom to support religious choice. I will sing, and#8220;And God said, and#8220;Let there be tattoos. The body is a temple. Grace it with graffiti.and#8221; Iand#8217;ll even consider baptizing myself with ink instead of water. Is 60 too old to receive my First Tattooing?

For all we know, body piercing may be living proof that the man upstairs exists in all his glory. Sacred tattoos might even make a believer out of atheist and comedian Bill Maher.

There should be a commandment, and#8220;Thou shall have a tattoo of a heart that says and#8220;MOTHER.and#8221;

Some people see God as an old man with flowing robes, long white hair and beard, sitting on a cloud. Some people may see God as bald, 100 percent covered with tattoos, a member of the Helland#8217;s Angels, sitting in prison for drug trafficking, murder and armed robbery. They could be right. The pope could move to Oakland and bless all the Oakland Raider fans who modify their bodies for every game.

Every human being started off as a blank slate at birth, but by the time they are 17 they should be as beautiful as possible, covered with tattoos from head to toe, and body piercings everywhere.

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I wonder if faithful body modificators feel a profound sense of awe every time they enter a tattoo parlor. Do they take up a collection?

The COBM has a growing number of followers, but its anatomical rituals are getting some of them into trouble with non-believers, like school authorities who, they say, are persecuting them. A female high school student was suspended for refusing to remove her nose piercing, but she says she was simply practicing her religion. Perhaps she will become the first body modification martyr, or produce a note from God to silence the infidels.

But why stop with tattoos and body piercings? If you believe in body modification, embrace it all the way. OMG! Will you look at that! Look where that guy has his head! I would convert to Body Modificationism but they might have eyes in the back of their heads, and I donand#8217;t want them to catch me sleeping in church. Besides, Iand#8217;m getting old. My body modifies all by itself, and will continue to do so until it drops dead, and beyond.

Religious choice is a human right. Even in America, it has come at a great price. Just ask William Jennings Bryant and Clarence Darrow, and Mr. Scopes, the teacher who was found guilty of teaching Darwinism. The Scopes Monkey Trial, as they called it, is why we shouldnand#8217;t believe anything blindly.

When I was born into a Catholic family, the doctor modified my body enough to last me a lifetime. I think it was because of a thing called the separation of church and body parts.

But the Chilean miners and their rescuers have shown us the real power of religion. Their story reminds me of a famous song from a poem by Cuban Jose Marti, and#8220;Guantanameraand#8221;:

and#8220;Yo soy un hombre sincero. Antes de morir me quiero echar mis versos del alma. Mi verso es de un ciervo herido que busca en el monte amparo. Para el amigo sincero que me da su mano franca. Con los pobres de la tierra quiero yo mi suerte echar.and#8221;

and#8220;I am a simple man. Before I die, I want to pour my verses from my soul. My verse is a wounded deer seeking shelter in the mountains. For my true friend who gives me a generous hand. With the poor folk of the land I want to share my fate.and#8221;

Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 27 years.