Court will now come to disorder
July 8, 2003
Here are some legal laughs and courtroom bloopers, compiled by court reporters across the country, and put into a book called “Disorder in the Court.” The court reporters call them “transquips.”
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edgington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edgington was dead at that time, is that correct?
A: No, you dumb ass. He was sitting there on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Miss Ball, do you know whether in fact James put his seat belt on, or are you just surmising he didn’t?
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A: I know he didn’t put his seat belt on.
Q: What is your personal observation of that?
A: Because when we were driving down the street James was mooning people through the back window.
Q: Kind of hard to moon people with a seat belt on?
A: That’s right.
Q: Are you restricted somewhat by having your third finger shot off?
A: Yeah a little.
Q: What could you do before the accident that you can’t do now?
A: Wear a ring on it.
MR. OSTENSON: Could you go back and find a place in the record where I first asked the witness about Samaritan Health Service’s intentions with regard to trying to keep Mayo out of Scottsdale?
THE COURT REPORTER: Question: ‘Did Mr. Teng say that he had agreed with Mayo that Mayo would not building a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?’
Answer: “No. I think I would have remembered that.”
Question: ‘Did Mr. Teng say that he had discussed SHS’s desire not to have the Mayo Clinic build a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?’
Question: So what Mr. Teng said was, “Hold the Mayo?”
A: It was a tight chest, having a hard time catching air.
Q: And did this come on suddenly?
A: Yeah. It was the first time I experienced it.
Q: Where were you when it came on?
A: In bed.
Q: Sleeping, or were you —
A: You really want to know?
Q: I just want to know if it was activity induced?
A: I was having sex.
Q: I think we could say it was activity induced. And had you had a cigarette any time around this time?
A: No, of course I was not smoking during sex. My wife asked me once, “Do you smoke after sex?” I said, “I’ve never looked down there to see.”
MS. WALLACE: You asked.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I went to school for it and everything.
THE COURT: To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?
THE DEFENDANT: Drunk
Q: Trooper, was the defendant obviously drunk when you arrested her?
DEFENSE COUNSEL: Objection, your Honor. It calls for a conclusion.
THE COURT: Sustained.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: “What disco am I at.”
Jim Porter is on vacation. Today’s “Law Review” is a repeat of a previous column.
Jim Porter is an attorney with Porter-Simon, with offices in Truckee, South Lake Tahoe and Reno. He is a mediator and was the Governor’s appointee to the Bipartisan McPherson Commission and the California Fair Political Practices Commission. He may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at the firm’s Web site http://www.portersimon.com.