Jim Porter: Nut job Tasers attorney … ‘tis the season | SierraSun.com

Jim Porter: Nut job Tasers attorney … ‘tis the season

Jim Porter
Special to the Sun

Frustration can make a person crazy, especially if you're crazy to begin with. Dealing with international banks can be extremely frustrating. This column has railed against big banks for how they treat their upside-down borrowers.

Just the other day, I hung up on an incompetent non-responsive Citibank representative. But Douglas Crawford takes frustration to a new level.

This Guy Is Scary

Douglas J. Crawford was upset with JPMorgan Chase Bank for supposedly not following his instructions regarding an annuity held by his 79-year-old mother.

Chase made good on the misunderstanding but Crawford sued the bank seeking reimbursement of a very small amount of money for "lost interest."

I'm sure Crawford believed "it's a matter of principle."

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Crawford attempted to take the depositions of several bank agents and their attorney at his personal residence – very unusual of course.

The bank objected expressing fear for the employees' safety. As evidence, Chase tendered the following petition submitted by Crawford:

"The more simple truism or reality of life is that the victims of government abuse, bias or even unequal application of the law do not, actually, detonate a bomb in retaliation to those abuses, but, generally, go home and kick the dog to death for barking or beat the crap out of some random person for cutting them off in traffic or shoot up the workplace for getting passed over for a promotion or burn their children with scalding hot water for spilling … a glass of milk, or, in other words, translate their frustrations of helplessness into committing a heinous act in apparent disproportion to the harm that befell upon them.

"The ripple effect of injustices committed by government agents just roll downhill onto and into the lives of other truly innocent, unconnected individuals and makes this … just a crappier place to live."

Now there's a guy ready to unravel.

Attorney Zapped with Taser

After legal back and forth maneuvering, the parties sat down for a deposition. Crawford pointed a can of pepper spray at Chase's attorney saying, "If things get out of hand, I brought what is legally pepper spray, and I will pepper spray you if you get out of hand." Crawford then pointed a stun gun at the attorney's head and said, "If that doesn't quell you, this is a flashlight that turns into a stun gun."

Crawford discharged the stun gun close to the attorney's face. The attorney wisely cancelled the deposition.

The Judge Is Opposing Counsel's 'Pet Dog'

The trial court imposed a $1,600 sanction against Crawford who filed a written opposition, coming up with some doozies.

He addressed the bank as "Chase Bank aka 'Heavenly Father.'" He addressed the trial judge as "masquerading as a Superior Court Judge."

Crawford facetiously demanded that the judge impose the death penalty on him with sanctions of $265,000,000 for his stun gunning the bank's attorney who he described as "our Heavenly Father's only begotten son."

Crawford referred to the trial judge as Chase's attorney's "pet dog," and when addressing the judge described him as "sick and demented."

Porter's Advice to the Demented

I feel comfortable giving free advice to any of you that may have the misfortune of having to appear before a judge: Do not insult the judge.

Frustration Gets You Nothing

As you might have guessed, the trial court ruled against Crawford as did the Court of Appeal, dismissing his case because of Crawford's "failure to pay sanctions, harassing behavior, highly contemptuous statements made to the court, brandishing pepper spray and use of a stun gun."

The court went on to say that Crawford's acts were "the most outrageous behavior that I've ever heard of in my life by an attorney."

Well I don't know about that, but Crawford was outrageous and on the edge.

Unfortunately, there's lots of that going on in our world these days.

Here's to happy holidays and a wonderful new year and Peace in Your Heart and Around the World.

Jim Porter is an attorney with Porter Simon licensed in California and Nevada, with offices in Truckee, Tahoe City and Reno. Jim's practice areas include: real estate, development, construction, business, HOAs, contracts, personal injury, mediation and other transactional matters. He may be reached at porter@portersimon.com or http://www.portersimon.com.