Lawyer bloopers put humor in the courtroom | SierraSun.com

Lawyer bloopers put humor in the courtroom

LAW REVIEW, Jim Porter

Lawyer jokes are politically incorrect. The next best thing may be actual courtroom bloopers collected in Disorder in the Court.

Q: How many beers did you drink?

A: One or two.

THE COURT REPORTER: How many?

THE WITNESS: Well, maybe three or four.

Q: Did they ever serve you more than one drink at a time?

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A: No, I can’t drink more than one drink at a time.

Q: Where were you?

A: I was in the front right passenger seat.

Q: What state were you in?

A: I was slightly inebriated. I was in good spirits…

Q: Were you in Illinois?

Q: Would you be able to perform any kind of work that you know of right now?

A: Sampling wine.

Q: Have you ever had your deposition taken before?

A: No.

Q: Well, it’s just like we’re sitting in a living room talking, except that you’re nervous and I’m not.

A: I have absolutely, positively no regard for the medical profession, and you may center that, underline it, and dot and dash it. I despise them; I loathe them; I detest them; I find them the scum of the earth. Other than that, I have no problem with them.

Q: Do you know if he paid the person who came in and poured the concrete?

A: I’ve never seen John Knight spend a dime. He holds a nickel so tight the Indian is riding on the buffalo’s back.

THE COURT: What is your occupation?

THE DEFENDANT: I’m a thief.

THE COURT: Thief, I see. How’s business?

THE DEFENDANT: It’s a little slow right now.

THE COURT: And how do you get along when you are not working at your usual occupation?

THE DEFENDANT: I’m usually in prison.

Q: And what did you see when [the accused] pulled down his pants?

A: It looked like a penis, only smaller.

Jim Porter is on vacation. Today’s Law Review is a repeat of a previous column.

Jim Porter is an attorney with Porter Simon, with offices in Truckee, South Lake Tahoe and Reno. He is a mediator and was the Governor’s appointee to the Bipartisan McPherson Commission and the California Fair Political Practices Commission. He may be reached at porter@portersimon.com or at the firm’s Web site http://www.portersimon.com.