Pine Nuts: A perfect Nevada hybrid — the Craps Beer Bike
July 28, 2014
Northern Nevada is having a makeover. We're attempting to change our perceived image from gaming and brothels to high-tech and geotourism, a change that would make a chameleon blush with envy.
Well, I intend to create the perfect hybrid to facilitate this radical alteration of image, the Craps Beer Bike.
Weaning oneself from a smoke-filled casino where drinks flow freely, to a bicycle amidst the air that angels breathe is a difficult reach, but soon we will have the vehicle to facilitate this transformation.
Here's how it works…
The Craps Beer Bike (patented by yours truly & Virgil Bucchianeri) is a bicycle built for six. It's ten feet long, and features a keg of beer enclosed beneath a crap table replete with six ashtrays and champagne of course for the ladies.
Riders take turns peddling, rotating clockwise, and peddling as long as they can without passing out. Profanity is not only condoned, but encouraged, for as we all know, there are times when profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Our maiden voyage will be launched on the three mile bike path that runs along Lakeshore Boulevard in the village of Incline.
And the cost? TBA. The important thing, the essential thing, is that we facilitate the transition from casino to bike path, one ride at a time.
Now, for those worn-out triathletes who might like to take a walk on the wild side, the Craps Beer Bike can also act as the perfect reverse vehicle.
After a few rides you could find yourself seated comfortably in a casino, smoking a cigar, making money on the Forty Niners to cover every game in September. Remember, good coaches win, great coaches cover, and Harbaugh is a great coach.
So to encourage those who would like to take a reverse ride on the Craps Beer Bike, we plan to display casino sponsorships on both sides of the hybrid. (One has to work both sides of the street to make a profit these days you know).
Now that I think of it, perhaps we could start a small sports book operation on our bicycle built for six. Why not? Online gambling is legal in Nevada. Hey, this hybrid is getting better by the minute.
If you happen to be a retired mechanical engineer and would like to contribute your talents to the creation of this amazing contraption, please contact us at your earliest convenience.
There are souls to be saved and millions to be made, and it will all go to charity. There has never been a more worthy endeavor.
Once we have eliminated hunger in Nevada we will dedicate our hybrid to eliminating weapons of destruction right down to the 60mm mortar.
By 2020 the Craps Beer Bike will be on display at the Smithsonian as the greatest vehicle for peace the world has ever known.
That's my forecast, and it will come to fruition, or my name's not … Mark Twain.
Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.