Text messaging in a dangerous world
February 20, 2008
No wonder so many teenagers crash cars while text messaging. The decision to text message while driving is dumb enough. Then you have to try and outsmart the text messaging program while not paying attention to the road.
The darn function keeps finishing my words before it even knows what they are. I have to delete the extra letters it makes every time. When I go back to add the ones I want, the phone with an attitude ventures yet another wild guess, and is always wrong.
Somebody lost a set of keys at work so I was texting, “I found them” to a co-worker. The cell phone wanted me to say, “I founded them.” How often do you hear people say “founded”? The phone thought I was a four year old. Mommy, I founded my blankie.
Just to be fair and give cell phone programming nerds the benefit of the doubt, maybe it thought I was going to say, “I founded the Macho Mountain Men Club of North Lake Tahoe in 1972.” Macho Mountain Men don’t use text messaging. They just insult each other and laugh it off, although it has been reported that a young Macho Mountain Man jumped off Bower’s Tower on Squaw Valley’s Palisades, text messaging while in the air, “Hey Honey, check me out” to his girlfriend sitting in the sun at Gold Coast.
He founded his skis, and cell phone five months later, after the snow melted.
I tried calling the Berkeley Marine Corps recruiting office on my cell phone recently. Nobody answered. I wanted to see if they would consider raising the maximum age for serving as a combatant to 60 so I could fight in Iraq or Afghanistan, or, better yet, sneak in to Pakistan, find Osama Bin Laden, and return to the White House with him, dead or alive.
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Life was relatively peaceful in Berkeley until the Berkeley City Council issued an official statement saying the Marines were “unwanted intruders” in their tolerant, peace-and-freedom-loving city. The recruiting office was blocked by angry protesters all screaming and yelling at each other. The scholarly debate went from the legal right of the Marines to rent office space on private property to whether it’s more natural for humans to get along or see who can verbally abuse and intimidate each other the loudest.
It’s important for Berkeley residents that their quaint city be known as a green, natural place. Last week the Berkeley City Council voted to retract their holier-than-thou statement, probably because they were afraid they would lose millions of federal transportation dollars and have to walk to work, saving energy, if they didn’t.
In other words, I suppose you could say they founded their marbles.
Perhaps their next official act might be to found a new style of protesting, one that uses text messaging instead of screaming and yelling. It would be a lot more peaceful. And, after all, that’s what they want, isn’t it? Peace?
How could the Berkeley City Council, in its infinite wisdom, ever think that declaring fellow citizens “unwanted intruders” in their own country was a peaceful move? Peace doesn’t happen that way. You would think Berkeley leaders have learned that by now. After all, the Peace Movement was founded in Berkeley back in the
In those days we were putting flowers in soldiers’ gun barrels. Now, from the streets of Berzerkeley to the presidential campaign trail, it seems the more negative method of personal attack is the preferred form of communication.
If the Little Big Horn Tribal Council, in a political move to make a stand for Peace, had kicked out Sitting Bull and all the warriors gathering to fight General Custer, well, you can finish the rest of this sentence for me. Use your Smoke Signal to English dictionary.
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