Tahoe Pine Nuts: At least Elvis paid for his Vegas wedding | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: At least Elvis paid for his Vegas wedding

McAvoy Layne
Pine Nuts

We Americans generally favor capitalism, until it comes to the NFL, where we favor socialism, allowing our local and state governments to tax us for building NFL stadiums, I cite Las Vegas and the Raiders.

In full disclosure, before I try to make my point, my girlfriend was a Raiders cheerleader back when they played at Frank Youell Field, and she ran off with one of them. I have held a deep-seated Raiders grudge ever since.

That laundry aired, here’s my beef. The city known for, “where brain cells go to die,” weds the sport known sadly for brain trauma. They have the bridal company all picked out, “No Brainer Weddings.” The NFL is fated to go the way of heavyweight boxing and for the same reason. So how are they going to fill those 65,000 seats playing flag football or touch football, I ask you. Governor Sandoval signed a $750 million public money deal last Monday in Las Vegas. Hey, at least Elvis paid for his Vegas wedding.

Under league rules owners cannot have gambling ties, yet the biggest gambler in Vegas, Sheldon Adelson, has pledged 600 million for the stadium. And I hope they put a dome on that baby because the two hardest things to find in Vegas are shade from a relentless sun, and a designated driver. “Las Vegas,” literally translated from its original Spanish means, “place of general inebriation.” I believe a Frank Zappa observation applys to Las Vegas: “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”

NFL owners are billionaires who adopt an NFL team the way you or I might adopt a puppy at the local animal rescue shelter. They don’t know any more about football than I know about Cricket. Al Davis, former owner of the Raiders, once characterized Raider quarterback George Blanda as, “…having that God-given killer instinct.” Now that makes me smile.

We argue over whether Colin Kaepernick is doing a respectful thing or not when he kneels during the National Anthem. Yet in Las Vegas you can bet on whether the National Anthem goes over or under 2:15 prior to the Super Bowl. A few years back they picked a real popular girl to sing the National Anthem, Keys somebody … help me out here. “Alicia,” that’s her. Thank you. Well, when she dragged a piano out onto the field a few of us figured she might just torture that song for all it was worth, so we took the “over.”

I don’t know if you saw it or remember, but she did. She hit that last note at about two minutes. We were cheering her on, and she held that note like a grudge, and dragged that song right into the 2:30 zone. We were buying drinks for people we didn’t know before the game even started. So there you go…were we being disrespectful? Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit.

You might be asking, “McAvoy, you are a Nevadan, how can you be against the Raiders coming to Las Vegas?” Well, the answer is as easy as pie; northern Nevada and southern Nevada are as different as peas & carrots. In Las Vegas the word “book” is a verb, whereas in northern Nevada the word “book” is a noun, or at least it was the last time I checked. No, let the Raiders stay in Oakland, or go back to LA, or Frank Youell Field … did I ever tell you about my girlfriend that ran off with a Raider?

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at ghostoftwain.com.