Tahoe Pine Nuts: Revelations of a dog whisperer
One thing I’d really like to see someday is the Westminster Dog Show. I’m a dog whisperer you know. I talk to dogs all the time and they communicate to me with their eyes.
Just yesterday I stopped to pet a weenie dog in the dog park and asked, “Doesn’t your stomach get cold walking in the snow like that, I mean, you’re slung so low and all.”
That weenie dog locked his beady eyes onto mine and said, “Don’t even ask! You don’t know the half of it!” I nodded that I understood, and offered, “Shake hands!” Wouldn’t you know, that weenie dog shot me a look of contempt and said, “I don’t have any hands!” And off he waddled.
Weenie dogs, of all the breeds, are the most stuck-up. The fact that they should perhaps have a third set of legs in the middle never occurs to them, they just waddle along like everybody is envious.
I looked it up … no weenie dog has ever won Best in Show at Westminster, nor has a Shih Tzu. I don’t know why anybody would call a dog a Shih Tzu in the first place.
I had an Irish Setter tell me, “When my great grandfather first came to this country he couldn’t get his nose under the tent at Westminster. One big ol’ Great Dane told him, ‘Irish need not apply!’ But look at us now! We took runner-up this year! Did you ever see Maureen O’Hara?”
“Yeah, sure, she was beautiful.”
“Well, that’s what all Irish Setter girls look like to me.”
This year’s Westminster’s big winner was a lady German Shepherd by the name of Rumour, allegedly named for the Grammy Award winning song by Adele, “Rumour Has It.”
I asked one of our dog park German Shepherds if he had ever heard the song, “Rumour Has It,” and he gave me an earful: “Are you kidding? Who hasn’t heard Rumour Has It?! Every German Shepherd knows it! We sing the last line together whenever we get our lips on a spilled beer, ‘Rumour has it he’s the one I’m leaving you for!’ Sung in German, well, that song will make a Pekingese smile!”
Dogs are not as prejudiced as humans are, except when it comes to scent. I had a Schnauzer tell me just last week, “You see that out of bounds post over there? I wouldn’t go near that post if I were you. It has the sulfurous odor of Satan, and I think I know who stopped there to make his mark, though you might think I was prejudiced if I told you.”
“No I wouldn’t, tell me, I’m curious.”
“Well, if you must know, it was that Yorkipoo! I never smelled anything like it!”
I did think that Schnauzer was a little prejudiced, but I’m thankful I was born a dog whisperer, for dogs have opened my eyes to a world in which I would otherwise be blind as a, well, human.
Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.