Tahoe Pine Nuts: The saddest letter I’ve ever received
On occasion I get letters from readers, some correcting my grammar, some correcting my morals, others just correcting my judgment.
But this is the saddest letter I have ever received, and as such, bears publishing in this fine family journal…
Dear Mr. Layne,
My husband is of middle age, in good health, and of strong body and mind. He has a good heart and is helpful, charitable and kind. But lately he has been listless, even rudderless, watching reruns of Bonanza on television and walking the neighbor’s dogs for exercise. One of them bit him yesterday.
I can’t seem to bring him out of his malaise, and I’m getting fatigued. I’ve tried everything in my power to get him going again, including serving him dinner in my negligee, whereupon he asked, “Honey, can I have some catsup with this?”
Yesterday he went to the garage and placed, “I DRINK TAHOE TAP!” bumper stickers on both cars and his golf cart, though he doesn’t show any signs of even wanting to play golf.
I asked him if he might like to go see, “The Magnificent Seven,” but he merely shrugged his shoulders and went back to his Reader’s Digest.
This morning he called from work. He was working a crossword puzzle, and he asked me, “Honey, what’s the largest alpine lake in the world?”
“Titicaca?” I offered.
“Thank you,” was all he said, and he hung up. It wasn’t until a minute later that he showed a flicker of his old self, when he called back and added, without much sugar in his voice to speak of, “I couldn’t make Tahoe fit.” (I checked the crossword puzzle when he got home, and he got them all right, so he’s not getting soft in the head.)
I’m worried almost out of my mind. I’ve contacted psychologists, psychiatrists, medical doctors, nurse practitioners, even Dr. OZ, but nobody has been able to diagnose what could possibly be the matter. So in desperation, I am reaching out to you, the author of Pine Nuts, a man who is old enough to know everything that is worth knowing, and seems to know a hawk from a handsaw when the Washoe Zephyr is southerly.
Might there be any word of advice that you could offer to salve this iniquity that has taken my husband away from me, away from his neighbors, away from even the neighborhood dogs?
I would be ever so thankful if you could shed some light on this calamity, as I am at my wit’s end. He was not like this before he got elected to congress.
Much as I sympathize with this lady, I cannot not help her. All I can do is to suggest that she get out and vote, and vote against her husband…
Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.
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