Tahoe Pine Nuts: The ‘Secretary of the Committee on Global Worming’ | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: The ‘Secretary of the Committee on Global Worming’

McAvoy Layne
Pine Nuts

Hello, my name is Dr. Juvenal Swift, Secretary of the Committee on Global Worming.

It has become my responsibility to alert America to the truth that there is absolutely no scientific evidence to substantiate any worry whatsoever about Global Worming. I have personally studied the subject for several decades now, and believe me, I know whereof I speak, worms are not going to take over the Earth anytime soon.

Truth be known, there is one worm that keeps me awake at night, and that is the Microchaetus Rappi, that giant African earthworm. In scientific terms, this is one humongous hombre. This dude can reach 22 feet in length and weigh over three pounds.

Luckily for us, it does not have any teeth, but it could definitely scare you to death if it crawled into bed with you on a dark and stormy night.

Earthworms don’t have lungs, they breathe through their skin, don’t ask me how. And exactly how they mate is a secret between them and their maker. Personally, I couldn’t care less how they do it.

One reason I can give you that earthworms will not take over the earth in the near future is in the simple fact that they are such good bait.

You will never see a Tahoe trout turn up his nose at a night crawler, no sir, a Tahoe trout will lick his chops when he sees an earthworm come wriggling down from the surface of the Lake of the Sky, and will swallow that worm, unless he feels a hook, whereupon he will spit that worm out to fend for himself.

Of course a worm that has been impaled by a hook, nibbled by a trout, and spit out to find himself alone in 100 feet of water, is in a pretty tight spot, and probably not thinking about taking over the world anytime soon.

I’m proud to have been nominated and confirmed to head this important committee, and will do everything in my power to dispel unwarranted concern about Global Worming.

Personally, I worry more about slipping on the ice, myself. Just yesterday I came out of the post office with an armful of mail, and the first thing that caught my attention was my heels.

Before I knew what I was about, I found myself on my back, looking up at curious faces looking down at me. I was told by a nurses aide that my back will probably straighten itself out again in time, once I get out of this full-body cast.

Meanwhile, I shall carry out my assignment as best I can, that is, to relieve the world population of any concern about the effects of Global Worming. The whole idea was cooked up by the Chinese, you know, and scientifically there’s nothing to it, nada, zippo.

Have a good day…

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.