Pine Nuts: Frog swallows beetle

McAvoy Layne

To my mind there are at least four ways to ponder religion, you can believe in God, you can not believe in God, you can wonder if there is a God, or you can believe God and Mother Nature are different words for the same thing.

I happen to fall into the last camp, though I would never try to persuade anybody to come over to my way of thinking …

That being said, I might like to present a specific piece of biological evidence to prove that Mother Nature is definitely in possession of a sense of humor …

There exists a water beetle that has learned to survive the worst of all calamities that can befall a beetle, that of being swallowed whole by a frog. So how does this beetle do it? How in creation does this water beetle beat the odds and survive being swallowed by a frog? I don’t have a scientific answer, but I can tell you what I think …

For untold centuries water beetles were swallowed by frogs and died. Then one day a really smart beetle said to her kids, “Look, the frog’s digestive tract is not all that long. If you can learn to hold your breath and actively engage that frog’s digestive system, you just might get out of there alive.”

And that’s exactly what those little beetles learned to do. They started holding their breath, exciting the frog’s digestive system, and coming out on the other side alive and well.

So just for fun, let’s take a ride through a frog’s digestive system as a beetle, and see what that ride might be like …

“Oh shoot, I’m a goner, unless I can maybe hold my breath and find my way out of here. What was it Mom said? Oh yeah, I’ve got to stimulate this frog’s digestive system by dancing and singing and raising holy hell.”

The frog, meanwhile, is congratulating himself on consuming such a sumptuous dinner, and is searching for a glass of wine, or whatever frogs drink as a dinner beverage, maybe the evening dew on a blade of grass, I don’t know.

Now the beetle starts her little tap-dance, and starts singing what happens to be my favorite song, “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore.” Then she starts doing the Macarena and the Twist, and the Funky Chicken until sure enough that frog says to himself, “Uhh, I think I made a mistake on my choice for dinner tonight. Actually, I don’t feel so good. I think I might need some Miralax.”

And guess what happens? That formerly self-satisfied frog divests himself of his unlucky choice for dinner, and that lucky beetle starts attending church services on Sunday.

So, to what, or to whom, do we attribute this miracle of miracles as documented by Science? Evolution? God? Mother Nature? All we know for sure, is, the creator of this monumental miracle definitely had a sense of humor …

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