Court bloopers make for legal laughs
Todays column is a reprint of a 1997 column of legal laughs and courtroom bloopers, complied by court reporters across the country. These were put into a book called Disorder in the Court. Here is a sampling. More later.
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edgington at the Rose Chapel?A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.Q: And Mr. Edgington was dead at that time, is that correct?A: No, you dumb ass. He was sitting there on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.* * *Q: Miss Ball, do you know whether in fact James put his seat belt on, or are you just surmising he didnt?A: I know he didnt put his seat belt on.Q: What is your personal observation of that?A: Because when we were driving down the street James was mooning people through the back window.Q: Kind of hard to moon people with a seat belt on?A: Thats right.* * *Q: Are you restricted some what by having your third finger shot off?A: Yeah a little.Q: What could you do before the accident that you cant do now?A: Wear a ring on it.
Mr. Ostenson: Could you go back and find a place in the record where I first asked the witness about Samaritan Health Services intentions with regard to trying to keep Mayo out of Scottsdale?The court reporter: Question: Did Mr. Teng say that he had agreed with Mayo that Mayo would not building a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?Answer: No. I think I would have remembered that.Question:Did Mr. Teng say that he had discussed SHSs desire not to have the Mayo Clinic build a tertiary-care hospital in the Scottsdale area?Q: So what Mr. Teng said was, Hold the Mayo?* * *A: It was a tight chest, having a hard time catching air.Q: And did this come on suddenly?A: Yeah. It was the first time I experienced it.Q: Where were you when it came on?A: In bed.Q: Sleeping, or were you …? A: You really want to know?Q: I just want to know if it was activity induced?A: I was having sex.Q: I think we could say it was activity induced. And had you had a cigarette any time around this time?A: No, of course I was not smoking during sex. My wife asked me once, Do you smoke after sex? I said, Ive never looked down there to see.Ms. Wallace: You asked. * * *Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?A: After the accident?Q: Before the accident.A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I went to school for it and everything.* * *The Court: To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?The Defendant: Drunk
* * *Q: Trooper, was the defendant obviously drunk when you arrested her?Defense Counsel: Objection, your Honor. It calls for a conclusion.The Court: Sustained.Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant were your red and blue lights flashing?A: Yes, sir.Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?A: Yes, sir.Q: What did she say?A: What disco am I at.Jim Porter is an attorney with Porter Simon, with offices in Truckee, South Lake Tahoe and Reno. He may be reached at email@example.com or at the firms web site http://www.portersimon.com. 2008
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