Decisive action calls for a time machine
I am more than a little appalled by the recent circus at the so-called United Nations. The applause that Hugo Ego Chavez received for his juvenile rantings against George Bush is proof positive that the UN is united in one thing, and one thing only their anti-American reflexes. Egos speech and the UN members response was in complete violation of every principle spelled out in the UN Charter and its Universal Declaration of Human Rights. I just finished reading most of those documents and the UN has become a travesty of its own principles. What a bunch of insubordinate sycophants. If Chavez qualifies for UN membership he will fit right in with all the other crooks and phonies. George Bush made a bad decision to miss those speeches. He should have sat in and clapped and cheered right along just to confuse everybody.Its looking really bad for America right now. It seems the whole world is against us. It is time for serious, decisive action. We need to build a time machine.All the brave men and women risking their lives for America, Great Britain, NASCAR and TNA Wrestling in secret operations all over the world to prevent the utter destruction of the Old West are just spitting in the wind. A time machine is our only hope. We should have built one long ago, but its not too late. Of course, I guess it never really matters when you build a time machine. We can get in it and go have a meeting last week. Our mission will be to go back to the days before the first Crusades, before Pope Innocent incited the religious zeal that got Christendom and Richard the Lionhearted all fired up to get paid good money to go off plundering and pillaging for the Church.From there we can prevent the crusades. Our fearless time travelers should be Ego Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rosie ODonnell, Louis Farrakhan and his robotic, brainwashed Nation of Islam robots, Malik Shabaaz and Hashim Nzinga. Theyre the ones who go around spewing anti-Jewish and racist propaganda. They believe George Bush is responsible for 9/11 and blowing up the levees in New Orleans during Katrina.Rosie can kill King Richard and Mahmoud can knock off Pope Innocent. After all, Richard and the Pope are the ones who started this whole jihad mess, aren’t they? Their time is up. Theres no time like the past for saving the world. Its our only hope.Ego can hand out skateboards to all the Muslim children so they will love us forever and tell their children how totally rad we Christians really are.Malik and Hashim can tell jokes and teach all the Muslims how to lighten up and just have a good time.Ahmadinejad can dress up as a woman, carry on endless intellectual conversations with the adult Muslims and trick them into allowing men and women in the same room together, with alcohol. He could probably pass for a woman even without shaving his beard.Rosie ODonnell should be dumped off in the Dark Ages where she belongs. Her mind is on vacation while her mouth is working overtime. Before most of us were half way through high school we learned that you should never generalize, yet Rosie ODonnell insists that fundamental Christians are just as dangerous as radical Muslims. You cant get more whacko fundamentalist than her.We need powerful parts in order to make a real humdinger of a time machine. Rig all those newfangled computerized voting machines and we could make one doozy of a Transporter, maybe even change some election results on our way back in time.There are no leaders in the world anymore, and it wont be easy getting rid of all the bad ones from the past either, but we have to take a shot. If were lucky, the time machine will take our illustrious crew of ego maniacs so far back in time it will keep on going, lose forward gear and never return.Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, experienced ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 25 years.
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