Free Paris or, like, theres going to be a lot of whining
Look out. Just as we feared back in the sixties, the dreaded establishment has finally turned into Big Brother. We are being oppressed by outdated concepts such as the rule of law, civil authority and, like, behaving yourself. You think the Patriot Act is bad? California laws against drunk driving and driving with a suspended license, like, whats up with that? What does the government expect from us anyway, perfection? The Iraq War and global warming are good news compared to the most important crisis of our age, the Age of Entitlement. The future of conspicuous consumption demands that we rescue our comrade. FREE PARIS HILTON. Long live the Goddess of Capitalism, Materialism and Superficiality.Yes, it appears that poor Paris is going to jail. If she does, all the young girls in America will rise up in revolt. Just because the people in power want social order doesnt mean theyre going to get it. Her incarceration is sure to spark anarchy and the biggest riots this country has ever seen. Either that or theres going to be a lot of whining.Teenage girls will boycott every mall in the country. Cell phone use and text messaging will jam the air waves, effectively ending intelligent conversations. Objective minds wont be able to get a word in edgewise. Gibberish will become the official language of the United States. Ear plug supplies will be sold out. Justice is so not cool. So what if someone breaks the law. The government breaks its own laws all the time. Rich and powerful people break the law everyday and get away with it. Why not Paris Hilton? I mean, like, what are Judeo-Christian ethics to her? Governments, and laws, originate not as a matter of right anyway, but as a tour de force of some kind accomplished by some individual, minority or majority who claims the right and maintains their claim with force. America is no different. Its just another country run by a bunch of humans like any other country. Subversives, like Paris Hilton, are on to this and they arent going to put up with white Anglo-Saxon Protestant rule anymore. The law is, like, so unfair. What will the world think of our callous disregard for that poor girls privileged status? After all, shes a role model for the young. She has a great wardrobe and probably cant even balance her own checkbook let alone access her conscience. She probably thinks that giving back to the community means strutting for the cameras at the local night club. But what the hell. Its all good, right Paris? Shell do just fine in jail. Its not like shes going to have to do her own cooking. That would be cruel and unusual punishment. Jail will be the best thing that ever happened to her. Who knows, she might even meet a nice prison guard from Arkansas named Bobbie Jo, settle down and adopt kids. At the very least shell become a martyr for materialism. Shell have plenty of time while shes locked up to read Karl Marx, if she hasnt done so by the pool already.Her parents should pay for her imprisonment, not the California taxpayers. As a matter of fact, I think her parents should be locked up with her. After all, they are the ones who gave life to Barbie and taught her everything she doesnt know, like how to open and read her own mail to find out her drivers license was suspended. There is a chance that the judge will see the light and take the high road. In other words, hell get bribed, and Paris will be spared. If that happens, Ill be like, all bent out of shape and start my own revolution. Free Paris Hilton? Shell be more free in jail than shes been her whole life. If only she can learn to appreciate her chains. Maybe when she gets out shell become a nun. Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, experienced ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 25 years.
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If Israel and the United Kingdom are any indication, widespread vaccination will knock the pandemic down to … normal life. Something near.