Grasshopper Soup: Check your inkblots before you vote | SierraSun.com

Grasshopper Soup: Check your inkblots before you vote

Bob Sweigert
Grasshopper Soup

It sounds crazy, but common sense says that a vote for president this November is a vote to make major changes in our personal lives, community lives and business lives, because common sense also says that our candidate can’t deliver on all those promises without our complete cooperation. How else will we all get everything we want? That is what is being promised, and what everyone is drooling over. Yeah, no matter who wins the election, America will become Camelot. Finally! I’ve been waiting since the 60s.

With such big changes coming America will be so hard to recognize, Al Qaeda and the Taliban won’t have anything to complain about anymore, except homosexuals, women’s faces and the tedious job of buying and selling opium.

Of course, we’ll have to make the current lower middle class lifestyle, or even the upper poor life style, the maximum allowable standard for everyone, which would be Socialism, or Christianism (I heard some eastern reporter use the word ‘christianists,’ as if to pin some of our most cherished, heart felt beliefs to a sanitized board for the curious to study, like moths and butterflies). How clinical.

Changing Washington will require even more hard work and imagination. Every congressman and senator may be required to fly a jet, get shot down, crash land in enemy territory, get beaten by a crazed mob (just like home), break bones, spend five and a half years as a prisoner of war and achieve nirvana. Then they can run for office.

Who knows? Partying and socializing in the nation’s capital might even be banned. It would at least control the making of nefarious deals by slick and tipsy politicians and lobbyists. Anyone remotely related to government could end up having to go straight home to their families, or hotel rooms, at 5 p.m. and dine alone. But, maybe we want our leaders high on alcohol, like normal people, so they can relate.

On the other hand, common sense also tells us we are crazy to believe our favorite candidate can deliver on all those promises. Unless we are all out of touch with reality.

If a vote is cast because everything the candidate says is believed, is that a crazy vote? Is it valid? Hey, I’m just trying to interpret the ink blots my psychiatrist is showing me.

We find it entirely relevant to question Sarah Palin, Barack Obama and John McCain about their qualifications and experience. Why not ask the same tough questions about ourselves, the voters, and our qualifications for choosing a candidate? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

The fact is, not everyone in the American electorate is playing with a full deck. It is safe to say some have the knowledge and intelligence to vote and some don’t. And some of the some who don’t will still vote. Is that fair? I mean, these inkblots don’t lie.

You have to admit, the idea of vetting voters is absolutely hilarious. Depriving some of their right to vote might make perfect sense, to a dictator, or a psych ward nurse.

But in America everybody gets to play, like the alarming number of the cognitive impaired popping up all over the blogosphere, starting, and buying in to, rampant unfounded rumors about everyone and everything, except their favorite candidate. By golly, they are like, so ready for the right change.

Yeah, we need a common sense dictator who will force us to be more communal, like the early Christianists. But, common sense says a nation of over 300 million people will never resemble a community. And too many psychiatrists are required.

” Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 25 years.