Grasshopper Soup: Joke: Obama with Bush’s spy tools
George Bush and Dick Cheney’s alleged unwarranted surveillance of American citizens has become more popular than anyone ever expected. Several companies are advertising personal listening devices on TV. They are called Listen Up, Loud N’ Clear and Sonic Alert. One of their main selling points is they allow you to invade your neighbor’s privacy. They are promoted as tools for hearing private conversations from across the street or room. Because, you know, everybody’s talking about you.
These hearing aids on steroids look like little jet engines and attach conveniently to your ear, making you look about as inconspicuous as a confederate flag at Obama’s Inaugural Ball.
America’s newest and ever increasingly popular political party, the Hispanglos Africasiandians, (Hissy’s for short), demands that Barack Obama’s first act as president be the signing of a bill outlawing the use of such devices for eavesdropping. If he does, the Hissys will remove all their illegal bugs from the White House master bedroom.
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are being asked to make a formal statement opposing these insidious devices in the name of freedom and our right to privacy. The Hissys are confident of their full support because Democrats don’t want to appear hypocritical as they go about prosecuting Bush and Cheney for fighting our enemies and keeping us safe from more terrorist attacks after 9/11.
They got the message loud and clear but had to ask a palm reader if such a formal statement might make them appear to be enemies of free enterprise and capitalism. Then they would have to prosecute themselves.
So, turn up the volume on your hearing aids. This could get very interesting. The Hissy’s have overheard, with Loud ‘N Clear, that the Democrats are accepting large sums of money from Sonic Alert. It will be a kick to watch how they wiggle out of this political mess. The fact that they even have to think about how to handle it speaks volumes.
Maybe spying on each other is harmless and serves some higher social purpose, like finding out if the girls at the punch bowl think you are a hunk or not. Or, hearing what the neighbor across the street is saying about your new dress. But, when the government listens in on our conversations, everybody sees fascism flying over the White House.
The Hissy’s, out of their characteristic generosity, give President Obama until Valentines Day to speak out against American’s spying on each other. That should give him and his wife and daughters enough time to quit using Listen Up, in case that is how they have been learning about their neighbors as they transition in to their new life at the White House, which they plan to paint a different color. I heard that with the help of my Listen Up. You can get one for just 20 bucks.
They do have legitimate uses. For example, they could come in real handy for President Obama (nicknamed Renegade by the Secret Service) if he ever decides to sneak in and listen to one of Reverend Wright’s sermons again from the very back row.
On the down side, these unscrupulous listening devices are suspected of causing brain cancer, giving new meaning to the phrase, “Are your ears burning?”
It would be cool to hear Barack Obama say what many “in the know” say he has already said, but what most Bush haters wouldn’t be caught dead saying, and that is, “Gee, if I had Sonic Alert I would know when the bad guys are coming. Can I borrow yours, George?”
They may not be as sophisticated as a CIA wiretap, but their goal is the same, spying on U.S. citizens. It’s about time. For once, we could all listen to one another.
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Kelley R. Carroll, a certified specialist, handles estate planning and will contests in our office with the help of our firm’s litigation department. I do not handle any, be forewarned.