Grasshopper Soup: Report leaked to save Lake Tahoe
CIA efforts to suppress scientific data compiled by astronomers this week came to my attention through a friend of mine who works for the University of Alaska.
He received a copy of the report from a colleague of his who works for NASA. The subject of the report was planetary alignment and was published in a weekly scientific journal called Science First.
The CIA confiscated the publications, citing reasons of national security, but not before a copy was leaked to me. The CIA is vigorously discrediting the reputations of those who are going public with the report. In spite of the risks, I felt compelled to report the story. I’m not particularly worried about my reputation.
The report proves that a recent alignment of the planets was so powerful that the subsequent pull of magnetic and gravitational forces affected distant objects in outer space, including asteroid belts.
One very large asteroid has changed orbit and could impact the earth today. Rough estimates of the coordinates of the impact match the exact location of Lake Tahoe. The report did make it clear that such calculations may be inaccurate due to particle/wave duality and the law of entropy. Particle/wave duality is the fact that it is physically impossible to know both the position and the momentum of an object at the same time. Entropy is the ultimate result of the degradation of matter and energy in the universe.
The report also claims that unusual surface features on a certain planet in the solar system of Alpha Centauri seem to have left the planet, are increasing in quantity, and headed in the general direction of our solar system. This is unexplainable but significant. The likelihood of intelligent life beyond our solar system is a widely accepted theory in the worldwide scientific community. Could extra-terrestrial rubber neckers be on their way?
The report also warned that animal behavior could be affected by these cosmic events in ways that it often is before earthquakes, eclipses and solar firestorms. I have been observing the behavior and flight patterns of ducks and geese along the Truckee River the last few days and there is something funny going on. Normally, geese and duck activity see a large increase by this time of the year, but it is significantly lower. The good news is that the one-legged duck in our neighborhood survived another winter. But the most noticeable change is the quacking of the ducks. I have never heard them quack quite like they are quacking now.
The contents of the report reached some New Age groups who seem to be running with it in true capitalistic fashion. Claude Vorilhon, also known as His Holiness Rael, founder of the Raelians, is expected to elaborate on the implications of this news for his followers at their annual seminar at Lake Mead, Nev., this morning. Brigitte Boisselier, a Raelian bishop and CEO of Clonaid will also speak. Raelians believe that scientists from another planet created life on earth using DNA.
A partial eclipse of the sun related to the asteroid dispersion is expected to occur at 12:06 p.m. Estimated time of the asteroid’s impact is 4:20 p.m., Pacific Standard Time.
A special event to positively influence the outcome of these cosmic developments is being planned for Commons Beach today, April 1, at noon, and at the Truckee Regional Park. Paul Allen, a Seattle billionaire who donated $3.5 million to the search for extra-terrestrial life, will be the keynote speaker at both locations at 12:30. Activities will include drum circles, tarot card readings, astrological chart interpreting and group meditations.
Come help us send healing energy to divert the asteroid from our beloved Lake Tahoe.
Bob Sweigert is wishing everyone a Happy April Fool’s Day. Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 25 years.
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An older friend I made when I began here in 2016 called the other day to talk about the paper. I hadn’t heard from her in awhile and, well, I’ve been here just long enough…