Out of the Blue: Trump’s funny — cringe-worthy? — moments (opinion)
Out of the Blue
Like many of you out there, I hesitantly heaved a sigh of relief when a panel of three “so-called judges” put a temporary kibosh on Donald Trump’s outlandish immigration ban late last week.
The guy is likely to put his signature on similarly embarrassing bills in the coming days and weeks, but at first glance, it appears as though our system of checks and balances is doing what it was designed to do: it was built so that no one branch of our government could become too powerful.
I applaud this small victory, but I still remain engulfed in waking nightmares about what this Worst Supporting Actor Razzie Winner (Ghosts Can’t Do It, 1990) will cause us as a country and a world to suffer through — remember, he’s only had the job for a month, which means we’re 1/48th of the way through. Ugh.
So instead of blustering on about terrifying statistics and lying, unqualified cabinet picks (I started a piece on DJT’s Education Secretary pick, but I stopped when I realized I’d type the whole thing in angry caps lock), I have decided to peruse the internet in search of funny and irreverent details about DJT.
In short, I need something to laugh about. A particularly idiotic quote, some well-crafted jokes about the guy — anything to provide a little levity. Learning specifics about DJT’s idiocy might just depress me, but in hopes of discovering a giggle or two, I’m going to give it the ol’ college try.
We’re all guilty of grammar abuse here and there, but usually a person will look over a written sentence at least once before featuring it on anything important like, say, an inauguration portrait.
Yes, with his astute appreciation of the nuances of the English language, when the DJT inauguration portrait was unveiled, we see in bold white italics: “No dream is too big, no challenge is to great. Nothing we want for the future is beyond our reach.”
I’d imagine that if there’s a 3rd grader in your house, that child would notice the difference between “too” and “to.”
“Donald Trump really has egg on his face now, which pairs nicely with the hash browns on the top of his head.” — James Corden
SNL on fire
I’ve been a Saturday Night Live viewer since I was a little one, and while I’ll admit that the show’s last couple seasons haven’t been top-notch, it has come alive during (and especially since) the election.
In fact, Alec Baldwin’s genius sourpuss imitation of DJT is so good that early Monday morning, El Nacional — a major newspaper in The Dominican Republic — ran a story about the rift between the USA and Israel with a photo of Israeli President Netanyahu and … Alec Baldwin in full Trump regalia.
“Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him.” — Eric Schneiderman
What’s in a Nickname?
I know, I know — trolling the web to find juicy nicknames for DJT isn’t exactly the most noble activity in the world, but satire is an imperative element of our political culture.
Temple University’s Geoffrey Baym says, “Satire is a way of challenging power when the legitimate ways of challenging power are closed off. Great moments of satire come in opposition to some sense of totalizing control.”
So, on this very important point, I offer my five favorite nicknames for Mr. Trump: The Human Corncob, The Angry Cheeto, Genghis Can’t, Agent Orange, and Prima Donald.
“They don’t write good. They have people over there like Maggie Haberman and others, they don’t – they don’t write good.” — Donald J. Trump, attacking The New York Times (this, I suppose explains the portrait typo)
Spy Magazine and Trump’s Money
This one slayed me. In 1990, the satirical magazine Spy decided it was going to play a prank on some well-known rich folks. They concocted a fully funded and incorporated company, opened a checking account, and sent $1.11 to 58 prominent celebrities (Cher and Henry Kissinger were on the list).
Twenty-six of the 58 celebrities cashed these checks. This was repeated, with $0.64 checks sent to the 26 who cashed theirs the first time — 13 cashed them again.
One final time, $0.13 checks were sent to the 13 remaining butts of the joke and only 2 redeemed their precious thirteen American pennies: a Saudi Arabian arms dealer named Adnan Khashoggi and … guess who?
“Donald Trump has had several foreign wives. It turns out that there really are jobs Americans won’t do.” — Mitt Romney
Mike Restaino is a writer and filmmaker based out of Incline Village. He is also a founding member of the North Tahoe Democrats. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.