Pine Nuts: Humpty Dumpty Party |

Pine Nuts: Humpty Dumpty Party

I found a nickel in the road yesterday and examined it all over, as though it were the first nickel I had ever seen.

It boasted a likeness of Thomas Jefferson offset to the left, with Liberty 2013 D offset to the right, beneath IN GOD WE TRUST. It was quite handsome I thought, if not as interesting as a nickel I once examined as a boy, boasting a Native American on one side and a buffalo on the other.

When I flipped my newfound nickel over I was puzzled by what I saw, ‘E PLURIBUS UNUM,’ which used to mean, ‘OUT OF MANY, ONE.’ It struck me as being out of date, and I had to ask myself, are we still ONE? And if not, can we put ourselves back together again?

I went straight to work forging a path toward making us whole again in the year 2018. What a difference a year can make when we start becoming a country that is slightly longer on statesmen and slightly shorter on politicians, a country slightly longer on problem solvers and slightly shorter on purists, a country slightly longer on love of humanity and slightly shorter on love of nation, a country slightly longer on the pursuit of equal opportunity and slightly shorter on pursuit of the dollar.

To make all of this happen we are going to need a third party, “The Humpty Dumpty Party,” now accepting donations of nickels that boast, E PLURIBUS UNUM. Our anthem is only slightly modified from what it was when penned back in 1797:

Humpty Dumpty stood on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

But Four-score Men and Four-score more,

Made our democracy what it was before.

Yes, we can do this, we can put our democracy back together again by becoming arbitrators for our two major parties that are married but living apart. We can start by introducing both parties to the three C’s: conciliation, cooperation and compromise. The three C’s will release both parties from their confining cocoons, and create a healthier political climate.

We, The Humpty Dumpty Party, shall begin by hosting social hours at the end of each working day that congress is in session. Members of the two major parties will be called upon to socialize and get to know each other on a nonpartisan level, and try to find some common ground. A dingdong will sound every 10 minutes to signal time to rotate to another member of the opposing party.

I will personally organize a co-ed Humpty Dumpty Flag Football Game comprised of equal numbers of major party members on each team. This co-ed flag football game will be preceded by a Humpty Dumpty Tailgate Party to encourage our friendly combatants to get acquainted outside the halls of congress.

There will be many Humpty Dumpty events as we move with deliberation down the path toward becoming whole again, as inscribed in Latin on the nickel I so fortuitously found in the road yesterday, E PLURIBUS UNUM.

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at

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