Pine Nuts: It could happen in South Korea |

Pine Nuts: It could happen in South Korea

Kwang-Sun (wide goodness) is the fastest runner in North Korea, clocked at 20 mph while chasing a Peking Duck, so of course he was tapped by Kim Jong-un to compete in next month’s South Korean Winter Olympics. The only question Kwang-Sun had was, “Ahh, what sport?”

Kim Jong-un scratched his head, smiled and said, “Ninety Meter Ski Jump!”

“Ahh, what is that, exactly?”

“You wax ski really good, close eye really tight, and shove-off.”

“Ahh, so, me ninety meter ski jumper!”

Forthwith, they constructed a 90-meter scaffolding for Kwang-Sun to practice, carved some long skis for him to strap-on, and waxed them really good.

Kwang-Sun strapped on the long skis, stood atop that humungous 90-meter launch pad, and though Kwang-Sun was not a religious man, he crossed himself.

Kim Jong-un looked on with keen interest, as if this were the first test of a North Korean ICBM. The silence was so profound that everybody in attendance could hear Kwang-Sun praying: “Please keep me upright and let me land on my skis instead of my head. If I survive I will donate ten Peking Ducks to the poor.”

Everybody snickered because they knew Kwang-Sun did not have ten Peking Ducks to donate to the poor, still, they admired his undaunted courage.

Kwang-Sun closed both eyes really tight, and pushed off.

Some spectators also closed their eyes as Kwang-Sun left the ramp, but Kim Jong-un kept his eyes focused on this human rocket as he jettisoned into the atmosphere.

What happened next was perhaps the most bazar scene of the new year, 2018. Kwang-Sun shot off that 90-meter ramp in perfect form, provoking a shout of joy from Kim Jong-un. Spectators reopened their eyes, which was untimely, as Kwang-Sun’s form suddenly took a turn for the worse, and he began to flap his arms in an attempt to keep himself upright. Kim Jong-un covered his eyes.

Kwang-Sun then performed an aerobatic maneuver never seen before, and quite possibly will never be seen again. He flipped backwards in a full gainer, completing a perfect landing on his brand new skis.

Everyone applauded and whistled, and Kim Jong-un asked to see him do it again, but Kwang-Sun deferred, insisting he aspired to save his next jump for Olympic gold.

The Winter Olympic Games in PyeongChang will be held early next month. Hopefully, both Korean teams will march in the opening ceremonies under one “United Korea” flag. It could happen.

As for Kwang-Sun? When the 90-meter ski jump competition begins and Kwang-Sun takes the stand atop the world, you might want to raise an adult beverage, turn up the sound on your TV, and pay special attention, for what is about to happen just could unite North Korea and South Korea with a missile launch to make millions of people spanning the globe smile.

Kwang-Sun (wide goodness) might not medal in next month’s 90-meter ski jump, but should he survive, he just might become the moderator in subsequent peace talks between North Korea, South Korea, and the United States.

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at

Support Local Journalism


Support Local Journalism

Readers around Lake Tahoe, Truckee, and beyond make the Sierra Sun's work possible. Your financial contribution supports our efforts to deliver quality, locally relevant journalism.

Now more than ever, your support is critical to help us keep our community informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having locally. Every contribution, however large or small, will make a difference.

Your donation will help us continue to cover COVID-19 and our other vital local news.

Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.

User Legend: iconModerator iconTrusted User