Putting his foot in his mouth with the best of them
Waiting until the last minute to brew up some Grasshopper Soup is not so much an act of sheer arrogance and stupidity as it is complete laziness. We can all relate to arrogance and stupidity, at least if we are wise. Only fools deny those defects in themselves. As for laziness, Im still on vacation.I deserve to be lazy. Who needs Grasshopper Soup? The world we live in is goofy enough to keep us all laughing, or at least as stumped as a clear-cut forest. Can you believe the insanity? Pope Benedict sticks his foot in his mouth and, surprise surprise, millions of neurotic, ignorant, hypersensitive galoots flip out and demand his execution. These are the people most Democrats think we can just talk to. Well, the Pope tried talking to them and look where it got him. And he had a valid point.The level of ignorance on this planet is staggering. Why do so many Muslims choose to prove to us that their religion is a peaceful one by committing acts of gross violence? What was the Pope thinking? That the ignorant masses would sit back in their private libraries, pour a martini, light a pipe and reflect knowingly on his comments? Come on Benny, you cant get blood out of a turnip, and never cast your pearls before swine. Everyone should be allowed to put their foot in their mouth once in awhile. I do it all the time. Its a human beings right. Humans are stupid. I oughta know, I am one. Try telling someone their foot is in their mouth though and you better watch out. Talk about ignorance. I inaccurately described Lorrie Moores visit with Pat and John Kessler for their 50th anniversary. The Kesslers are from Auburn, not El Dorado Hills. Lorrie is curious about the origins of Grasshopper Soup. So, for Lorrie and all my new readers, heres how I got started publicly putting my foot in my mouth. About 15 years ago I decided I wanted to write a newspaper column and call it Grasshopper Soup. I stole the name from Mark Twain. In his book, Innocents Abroad, he said Tahoe is the Indian word for grasshopper soup. I had a name, now all I needed was something to say. That wasnt a problem. My older brother Bill says I was always mouthing off as a kid. I started compiling rough drafts of prose. Most of those old drafts are still in a messy pile on my desk. I cant understand most of them.I finally overcame my fears three years ago and approached Keith Sheffield, editor of the Tahoe World. He welcomed my idea, and Grasshopper Soup was born Oct. 2, 2003.It began with, Warning! This column contains free speech, partial profundity, frontal oddity and graphic impudence. If you are easily offended, turn to the society page now. It also announced the creation of a new political party called the Hispanglos Africasiandians. (It is pronounceable. Try it again.) Our motto is, Will govern for food.News of the Hispanglos Africasiandians appeared randomly in Grasshopper Soup over the years but we havent heard much from them lately because they are a party of national unity, as suggested by the name. Grasshopper Soup doesnt see a whole lot of national unity these days, or world unity for that matter, except for the fact that there are a lot of people putting their feet in their mouths. The Hispanglos Africasiandians make too much sense to succeed so dont expect them to do very well in the mid-term elections.In a later column I defined Grasshopper Soup as a mishmash of mumbo jumbo with piecemeal portions of wit and wisdom mixed in with controversial chunks of gobledy gook, pure poetry, factual fiction and mysterious, face puckering, spicy, chewy, gritty insoluble substances and strange truths unfit for human consumption, like most everything else we get fed on a daily basis. Today Grasshopper Soup is fast food at the last minute, complete with my foot in my mouth. How does yours taste?Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, experienced ski instructor and commercial driver. He’s lived at Lake Tahoe for 25 years.
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