Tahoe Pine Nuts: A lesson in backwards history — ‘so far so good’ | SierraSun.com

Tahoe Pine Nuts: A lesson in backwards history — ‘so far so good’

McAvoy Layne
Special to the Sun-Bonanza

Since the origin of life on earth some 3.8 billion years ago, man has been hoping to live forever, our mantra being, “So far so good.”

But confounding this grand plan, our planet has experienced five massive extinctions.

The last of these occurred 66 million years ago or so when an asteroid as big as an aircraft carrier, for which we can now be thankful, collided with earth to wipe out the dinosaurs. I would not like to wake up to a dinosaur looking in my window.

More recently, the number of Monarch butterflies that reach their wintering grounds in a forest in Mexico is falling.

But there is good news here. No single Monarch can live long enough to complete this trip. Those that start out in Canada die of old age along the way, then the next generation takes up the slack, and somehow they find their way to Mexico.

This phenomenon leads one to believe in reincarnation, or something just as remarkable, like one old Monarch telling a teenager, “Go to the Milkweed Diner and turn left. Good luck, good bye, I’m done.”

Moving closer to today, we have a problem with unused pills being flushed down our toilets.

I’m not talking about gummy-bear vitamins, but Prozac that goes straight to the brains of fish and causes them to experience sexual dysfunction, dry mouth, increased sweating and insomnia.

Most of us can agree that a sweaty fish with a dry mouth is not a fish we would like to see on our dinner plate.

If that does not scare the hell out of you, tiny, jelly-clad crustaceans known as Goo-Balls are taking over some Canadian lakes following years of acid rain, turning those lakes into stiff beds of Jell-O.

Can you imagine throwing a belly-flop off the end of a pier on a Canadian lake, landing on your stomach, and not going under water? How embarrassing! You could lose a girlfriend with a stunt like that.

Okay, the Arctic, being the earth’s air-conditioner, is breaking down faster than a rail tunnel under the Hudson, and when that baby goes, well, we will all be sweating like fish on Prozac.

Conservation is self-preservation — it’s that simple. If we continue to procreate and dine at our present rate we will soon start to mirror the Donner Party, and take to glancing at each other with a singular sort of gleam in our eye, as on a shopping trip.

So examining the history of the earth backwards, that is, from the end of time to where we are now, it looks something like this.

The last words from planet earth, having polluted itself to extinction, are received and recorded by a highly intelligent civilization on the planet Gliese-581g. What do you suppose those last words might be? Wrong. “Call now.”

More recently, but just as pathetic, are my last words, which will most likely be, “Hold my beer…watch this!”

In spite of our short-sightedness, life goes on, at least for now.

“So far so good.”

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at http://www.ghostoftwain.com.