TV or not TV, that is the question |

TV or not TV, that is the question

Contrary to what you might have hoped, I am not on strike. I am not a member of the Writers Guild of America, which is on strike, so you’re stuck with me again this week.

The Hollywood writers have my full support, even though I really don’t care one single bit about their work. Soap operas, and most other American TV shows they create, are about as meaningful to me as the hallucinations of a short-circuited jellyfish.

The writers, who are so skilled at creatively representing us and our highly evolved society, are striking for their fair share of Internet profits. And they certainly deserve it. After all, they provide us with-accurate and inspiring portrayals of ourselves and everything we hold dear, like violence, gratuitous sex, cheating and taking advantage of one another, adolescent humor and fantasy.

The big corporate fat cats should have cut the writers in on the extra money right off the bat, as every new financial opportunity presented itself to them. But, doing the right thing is still a relatively new concept for most corporations in our profit-driven, capitalistic society. Privately or publicly owned, too many corporations just don’t care.

I can’t wait to see the effect the writer’s strike will be sure to have on prime-time soap operas and sitcoms. Watching a cast of characters walk out in front of the cameras, staring at each other, having nothing to say, will most definitely represent a great historical moment in the advancement of American culture. We will have the Hollywood writers to blame.

What a terribly tragic time this will be for the American family. How will we ever survive without The Bold and The Beautiful?

We could miss some important and worthwhile shows, not to mention the comedy, which we need more than anything, even though all we have is Jay Leno, David Letterman, John Stewart and that clown, Steven Colbert. But, by and large, I would say the more dead air on television the better.

Have you ever noticed how many TV shows have negative sounding titles? Almost all.

In spite of the cultural vacuums they help create, writers still deserve their fair share, no matter how irrelevant most television shows are to our daily lives, needs and survival. It takes a lot of imagination and hard work to make up dialogue and characters, even if it is for easily entertained, hard-working, beer-drinking Americans. But, for all the brilliance ” and boredom ” that the creative genius of Hollywood writers can conjure up, going on strike may be the best idea they’ve ever had.

Making up stuff is not easy. God had to make up the entire universe and everything in it. It takes an imagination like His, or Hers, to invent stuff like blood-squirting lizards and anti matter. How come we never get to see TV shows about stuff like that?

Oh, OK. So we do. All the time. They have blood-squirting lizards on Hannity and Colmes and Kimberly Guilfoiyle’s talk show, The Line-Up, every night. Anti matter is usually reserved for morning and day time television, like The View, Oprah and The Today Show. Don’t you love it when you turn on the news to see what’s going on in the world and there’s Al Roker or Matt Lauer in an apron, cooking pasta and making a salad? Yeah, it’s always nice to know everything is normal and all is well with the world.

Maybe, while they’re on strike, the writers will have time to dream up some new shows, like “O.J. Simpson and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from Las Vegas”. Or how about “Desperate Ski Instructors”, or “TV Break” instead of “Prison Break”?

Thanks, Writers Guild of America, and good luck. Take your time. You’re not missing much.

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