Grasshopper Soup: A single contention |

Grasshopper Soup: A single contention

Single people have been looked down upon by society for too long. They should be singled out and celebrated. People who remain single all their lives, with no dependents, have the least impact of anyone on the environment. As precious as kids are, having more and more of them just places more demand on the environment and the economy, which, in turn, could jeopardize our survival. That is true even if you are pro-family, which I am.

Singles should be the first ones on the list to receive government bailouts. I may be the only single person in the whole country with no kids. With a little community organizing the money could all be mine. Yay! Iand#8217;ll spend some of it on a big tea party for everybody.

If the Obama administration is smart enough to change and#8220;global warmingand#8221; to and#8220;global climate disruptionand#8221; (a cheerful change), they should be smart enough to change and#8220;single peopleand#8221; to and#8220;savior people.and#8221;

At least government keeps coming up with groovy ideas. But when they promised change, they didnand#8217;t mean change words. Or did they? Good ideas and government are not always synonymous. Street people have good ideas too. And it is not unusual to hear more wisdom from children than you hear from czars and presidents.

Maybe they rephrased global warming to give Uncle Sam an excuse to persuade us to buy carbon credits from Al Gore, and raise our taxes to solve global climate disruption, which sounds more urgent than global warming. Iand#8217;m all for man controlling the weather. Man should be able to control the whole universe if he wants to, as long as I am the man.

It doesnand#8217;t make any difference what you call it. Itand#8217;s debatable, but global warming and climate disruption are as serious as major injuries in the National Football League, and just as normal for the kind of activity involved. The only way to prevent them is to stop playing the game. By playing less, single people contribute more.

The Shakers were all single, and they disappeared. With global climate disruption and the threat of war and asteroids (are those mints?), maybe itand#8217;s inevitable for the whole human race to disappear. That would make singles with no dependents way ahead of their time.

Everybody preaches about the importance of low-impact lifestyles, but single people walk the walk more than anyone else on the planet, except maybe the homeless, whose ranks tend to grow under some governments.

Government could easily reimburse single people, especially lower-income singles. They consume fewer resources and live greener. Many of them have been paying in to and#8220;the systemand#8221; all their lives, but now, if they are unemployed because of the lack of jobs, or in trouble because of the rising cost of health care and need their fair share of that money before they retire, they canand#8217;t have it. Thatand#8217;s an incentive to look for opportunities in marijuana, which may be legal soon in California. Some people have already started yoga spas where health-conscious practitioners can smoke pot too. Krishna wonand#8217;t be there.

The government is using baby boomer money to pay off Afghan war lords and fly Rauf, the slumlord Imam of the Cordoba Initiative, overseas to charm everyone with his fame, which he is free to do, and doing for free. He should be fined for not being single.

Donand#8217;t get me wrong. Iand#8217;m not complaining. I believe in giving without expecting anything in return. That makes me the ideal citizen. Government loves people like me.

True freedom means you choose how you want to live, not the government. In this country, the government is our employee, not our employer. The government does many good things, but their single, most important job is to leave us alone.

Good help is hard to find.

and#8212; Bob Sweigert is a Sierra Sun columnist, published poet, ski instructor and commercial driver. Heand#8217;s lived at Lake Tahoe for 27 years.

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