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A Tahoe ‘ski’ race like no other—The Pain McShlonkey Classic

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Katelyn Welsh
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OLYMPIC VALLEY, Calif. – No ski race exists quite like this one. Though if you refer to the meager two to four feet-long contraptions competitors use to get downhill as “skis,” an enthusiastic and swift correction will follow—”they’re snowblades!”

In what looks like a rainbow avalanche on Palisades Tahoe’s iconic terrain, The Pain McShlonkey Classic sends 65 colorfully costumed racers downhill all at once on apparatuses barely half the size of regular skis.

After blading downhill in costumes that may or may not be aerodynamic, the finish line awaits uphill for a final mayhem-filled jaunt.

“The first rule is that there are no rules,” race organizer, Michael Rosen, reminded competitors during this year’s prerace briefing.

The Pain McShlonkey is a day of chaos, exhilaration, and fun, remembering the race’s founder, local ski legend and pioneer, Shane McConkey.

“Every single time we have this, I tear up because Shane feels like he’s here,” his wife, Sherry McConkey, said, who continues to hold the race every year in his honor, greeting competitors with hugs and Krispy Kreme donuts on the ski hill.

Shane started the race in Aspen, Colo., in 2001, inspired by Hot Dog… The Movie. He continued the race after moving to the Tahoe region in 2002, which is when everyone started showing up in crazy costumes.

This year marked the 15th Pain McShlonkey Classic in his honor.

The race day started dark and early at Wildflour Baking Company. The energy that erupted through the bakery’s doors felt like cold water to the face after walking through a sleepy Palisades Tahoe Village at 7 a.m.

The room vibrated as competitors got ready for the highly anticipated day.

“This is my favorite day of the year,” one competitor said, pulling on white, silky gloves, the finishing touches to the red and white mushroom cap atop their head.

Another asked, “How did I do?,” pointing to his tie. All business, he was dressed for success in a suit, complete with a briefcase harboring an after-race beverage and snack (which he consumed at the finish line, blades still on).

As competitors put the finishing touches on costumes, dogs barked, people cheered, and others fired off friendly, competitive banter.  

Then, at 7:30 a.m., it was time to head to the lift.

“I hope most of you are stretching and are ready to run,” Rosen said in the sendoff.

The mass exodus from the dim table-lined room and onto the now sun-kissed slopes began. One disco-helmented and stripe-suited competitor waddled out of the bakery already clipped in, the blades clapping with each step out the door, across the landscape rocks, and finally to the lift base.

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Once in the lift line, the energy didn’t stop as racers awaited their chariot. Then, one by one, full chairs ascended. Rather than drab helmets lined in a row, the costumes appeared as assorted candies being scooped up the mountain.

The mushroom cap stood out most of all, continuing to be visible from quite a ways away.

As ski patrol guided competitors and assembled them at the starting point, spectators, who grow in numbers each year, gathered around the finish line with colorful signs, cowbells, and squeaky rubber chickens.

The crowds are just as dedicated to the spirited costumes as competitors.

“Layers of sequins nonstop,” one spectator said. Meg Tennant is the leader of Glitter Gremlins, a group that returns year after year, bedazzled to show support for the community event.

“Sherry’s our neighbor, and Shane was a big part of the community,” the gremlin leader said, who cheers for her husband each year.

Cheering is inversely correlated to the distance racers are from the finish line, and became unhinged as Tilen Lane entered the finish corral with a generous lead.

That lead diminished with each second of the uphill portion as competitors closed in.

“I wake up every day expecting to win,” Lane said in a post-race interview, eyes glistening above a green nose, painted with the colored zinc stick he will readily pull out of his pocket and share.

Finally, after over 10 years of competing in the event (which he looks forward to more than Christmas), he held onto his lead to win the Pain McShlonkey, even beating Olympian Daron Rahlves.

“My lungs are on fire, my legs feel like they’re dead, and I’m going to go back out and snow blade all day,” he said, describing what the “pain” means in the Pain McShlonkey.

The newly crowned winner grew up looking up to Shane McConkey, “just like him, I am now the best snowblader on Earth.”

The victor in the women’s division was Magnolia Neu, who returned for her second Pain McShlonkey. “I had to defend my title,” she said after the race, still standing on the ski hill surrounded by friends who held multi-colored signs spelling her name.

After falling at last year’s event, she recovered in true champion fashion to win the women’s division. “It was honestly maybe nice in a way,” she said, “Gave my legs a break.” Neu has also looked up to Shane her entire life, “I would always love to be like Shane someday.”

Neu and Lane claimed the coveted golden saucers, an ode to one of Shane’s alter-egos, Saucer Boy.

Both being locals made for an even sweeter celebration at the packed Slot Bar, a long-standing after-race tradition.

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The race, which usually takes place on KT22, was moved to Headwall due to a lack of snow. It was a reminder for environmental stewardship, which Shane was so passionate about.

“I mean, look at our environment right now,” Neu said, gesturing to the ski hill behind, “it’s pretty obvious to me that we need to really pay attention to our environment, and again, it goes to Sherry, and what they do with this foundation, it’s incredible.”

Sherry started the Shane McConkey Foundation, which continues to carry the torch with environmental initiatives such as Don’t Drop the Top and the EcoChallenge, inspiring youth to take environmental action.

The event raises awareness and funds for the foundation’s initiatives.

But above all, Sherry says, with so much going on in the world, the most important thing about the Pain McShlonkey Classic is to “have a day of fun where we just celebrate Shane and not take life so seriously and just enjoy life.”

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