Long a country of checks and balances, we suddenly find our two-party system in checkmate and off-balance. Unity of purpose and policy is no longer a reliable proposition. So just as the Preamble to the United States Constitution calls for a More Perfect Union, these turbulent times call for the birth of a third political party.

Having recently converted my voter registration to, “No Political Party” I’m in a Catbird Seat to launch our third political party, “DO NO HARM 2026.”

Not yet registered with the Federal Election Commission, I shall introduce our party here in this fine family journal, and as I owe $300 in Mark Twain library late fees, I shall create a Super PAC to fund this nascent party. Operational steps will be determined by real people, with no assistance from Artificial Intelligence.

I’ve learned a couple things from flipping back and forth between FOX and MSNBC of late. Judging from the frequency of sponsors, MSNBC viewers must have dryer eyes, while FOX viewers must have more toenail issues, and they both wish the other had them and they didn’t. As one of Mark Twain’s characters tells us, “Tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I’ll tell you what his ‘pinions is.”

In building a platform of fiscal responsibility & social commitment to all Americans, I herein hand the reins of DO NO HARM over to a person whose sympathies are wide and warm, and whose heart is large and knows no guile, non-other than The Honorable, (please fill in the blank here with your choice and return to me as quickly as possible.)

So long as political survival dominates the primary political instinct, human harm will persist. Greed for power and wealth has reached an all-time American high. Yet, driven hard enough, human capacity for empathy can conquer egocentric drive for power. It’s time to promote those who will say “Enough Already” to buccaneer capitalism, and “Enough” to those born hoggish after money. The true measure of a person is not net worth, but net humanity.

In this moment, when several nations are equipped with weapons capable of unleashing destruction upon the whole of mankind, do we hear enough calls to draw down, might we not hear more shouts for détente? We really do need to eradicate weapons of warfare before they eradicate us…

When Democrats and Republicans fight, DO NO HARM will step in, seek middle ground, and start the healing process. Finally with good deeds outnumbering crimes by 1000/1 on a daily basis, news outlets will be encouraged to include a few more good news stories along with all the bad news stories, and thus provide some refreshment toward our nation’s mental health. And we are going to do all of this in the spirit of The Old Rail Splitter, “…with malice toward none; with charity for all.”

So onward and upward with DO NO HARM 2026, coming to a polling place near us soon…