Yes, in Finland around this time of year, they host a wife carrying contest. Here’s how it works in case you might like to consider entering. At the starting line you stand behind your wife, lift her up and have her sit on your shoulders, where she can then lean back with her knees hooked over your shoulders, and her feet pointing toward the starting line. Got the picture? Good. You might want to practice this technique at home with a physical therapist on hand. 

As you can imagine, there are some basic rules to abide by, for example your wife must be at least 17 years old and weigh at least 108 pounds. And if you two are divorced, that’s okay. You can even carry somebody else’s wife if you don’t have one yourself, and her husband happens to be out of town. 

As a caveat, there is a water hazard along the course that is about one meter deep, which could place your wife’s head under water for a few seconds, so your wife might want to consider sporting nose plugs or perhaps a snorkel.  

So how did this Finlandish contest get started, anyway? Well, I’ve heard it told, that in the last century Herko was having dinner with his wife Helmi when he broke out a bottle of Red Lingonberry Wine, which Helmi just happened to be allergic to. Well they consumed that bottle and were toasting to the abundance of grain that year, when Helmi broke into a heavy sweat and shouted, “Herco, get me to Sonkajärvi!” 

Well, Sonkajärvi was about a half mile off, so with that, Helmi jumped onto Herco’s back, and off they went to Sonkajärvi! 

Helmi survived, and the saga survived as well, enduring today as Finland’s Wife Carrying Championships. 

So you might be wondering, what is the prize for winning the World’s Wife Carrying Championships? I thought you’d never ask. The grand prize is the winners’ total weight in beer. So next you might want to ask, “Hey, what if she doesn’t like beer?”  

Well, she can change horses in the middle of the stream so to speak, and find a more magnanimous husband next year, with no hard feelings… 

I know this is hard to believe, but matches made in heaven have been made while competing in this most singular competition. One couple, who had not met before race day, were married at the finish line by a man of the cloth, who was stationed there for just such an occasion. Happily, some compassionate Finns loaned the lady a decent dress, and the man some tolerable trousers. It was said that there was not a dry eye on that Finnish gravel track… 

So there it is, your chance to see Finland, home of the Northern Lights.”